Woman in crisis

I have a hard time telling people about me, the real, in my soul me. Right now she is struggling.

I have had a diagnosis of clinical depression since my late 20s and this has not been my most-well adjusted several months. We had some issues over the summer, but I felt like I came to grips and was doing ok until my horomones went haywire a few months back, and while I am emotionally and mentally OK with it all, the horomones have done a number on my brain chemistry. I have re-begun some meds to help me with it, and have found my brothers to be well able to carry on a rational conversation, and also to hold up their end of a few irrational conversations, about the whole thing.

I had a tear & anxiety fest at the most inopportune time - shopping for bridezilla and her bridesmaids dresses, her upset that I was not present with enough cash to buy the dress (which was a blindside, or else I would have been prepared). She has broken my heart with her reaction and I fear a permanent rift has been created. I am unable to repair it on my own.

Here is the thing. Many people still see the stigma of a chemical imbalance and think it is something I can control. Many people are stupid. Phew, that feels better.

There is no differnce than an neurotransmitter malfunction than an insulin malfunction, but people can sure make you feel like crap about it.

If I had diabetes, I would think that at least the people I have shared my condition with would so some research on how to be as supportive as possible, as I work to right myself, but more than one that I thought actually loved me have ostracized and criticized me for
1) attempting to do the right thing in spite of my anxiety and over-emotionalism ("Why would you feel trapped?")
2) avoiding other stressful situations by walking away ("Why are you so impatient?")
3) calling people on the BS of acting like I am doing it on purpose for attention (They have got to be kidding - at least you'd think so - but no, actually said to me in seriousness)
4) I must live in lala land (Did you mean you think I am crazy?)

It is hard, because the people I usually lean on are having their own worries right now, without adding mine (my poor husband, for example), and yet are more support than, oh, say my mother and sister, who I should be able to rely on more than anyone. (Yep, most of the comments came from my mother - who knows, and my sister - who to be fair, doesn't really get the details - made a crack about my sanity). If I did not have my big brother and my husband telling me my perceptions of reality are not always as wrong as I am being otherwise told, I might ACTUALLY think the others are right.