She has a name.
She looks great on ultrasound.
We need to decide on sleeping arrangements (and I finally got to toss one of Daddy's favorite lines back at him - "I am not asking your permission, I am just asking your opinion." Response: "(grin) Fair enough!")
She is creating a hard little lump in the middle of my abdomen - no more stonach sleeping for me.
I can't wait to meet her. :)
April 29, 2010
April 26, 2010
A girl!
- A sister for the big Girl, for which she was fervently praying.
- The Daddy can still say "my girls," which I love. As in, "I have to get home to my girls."
- We saved everything the big Girl ever wore or played with (or had it returned if it was still wearable when her cousin out-grew it)
- Sisters can share a room easily
- Said room can remain girlie-girl
April 21, 2010
This morning, the Girl - just turned 6 - tells me that 3 times 3 is 6. I explain that 3x3 is actually 9, and why. A split second passed.
“Then 3x4 is 12.”
Yes, yes it is. What is 3x5?
“Let me think... 15.”
We went on to 2x2, 2x3 (at which point she informs me that 3x2 and 2x3 are the same thing), and so on.
Really? She counts addition problems by making dots on her homework, but can multiply in her head???
“Then 3x4 is 12.”
Yes, yes it is. What is 3x5?
“Let me think... 15.”
We went on to 2x2, 2x3 (at which point she informs me that 3x2 and 2x3 are the same thing), and so on.
Really? She counts addition problems by making dots on her homework, but can multiply in her head???
April 20, 2010
public or private
i am having a bit of an internal debate on whether to keep this public or private. it is not like strangers are dropping by (that I know of), but considering my profession, i need to be a little leary. I think I will close up again, so leave a comment or email me if you want access.
thanks
thanks
April 19, 2010
A soldier's wife
We spent the weekend at the on-post hotel where the Daddy works the occasional weekend, since we had a military Family Day to attend on Sunday. I particularly wanted to attend the morning meeting with his CO, since spouses were particularly requested to attend.
And at which we got the official (current - it will probably change) timeline for the Daddy's next deployment.
A year and a half.
From now.
He will be leaving for Iraq.
He is excited.
That is hard to hear, but makes me so proud at the same time.
I am not so excited. But I will not share that with him. Since I am sure he already knows.
Last time, he was gone a year and a half.
This time is supposed to be shorter - closer to 12 when it is all said and done.
That is still a LOOOOONNNG time.
A long scary time. I am already having bad dreams.
But it is a part of who he is. He has a need to serve in that way. I married him knowing we would likely have this to look forward to.
We have been through this before and I know we can do it again.
And at which we got the official (current - it will probably change) timeline for the Daddy's next deployment.
A year and a half.
From now.
He will be leaving for Iraq.
He is excited.
That is hard to hear, but makes me so proud at the same time.
I am not so excited. But I will not share that with him. Since I am sure he already knows.
Last time, he was gone a year and a half.
This time is supposed to be shorter - closer to 12 when it is all said and done.
That is still a LOOOOONNNG time.
A long scary time. I am already having bad dreams.
But it is a part of who he is. He has a need to serve in that way. I married him knowing we would likely have this to look forward to.
We have been through this before and I know we can do it again.
April 15, 2010
trees
I bought my husband an early Father's Day/late Anniversary gift. It counts for both, since it blew my budget. I got him a BIG tree. A 36 inch box tree - Australian Bottle Tree. It is shaped like--- you guessed it, a bottle. Tall and slender. Then he and I had to figure out how to get it into the ground. Yeah, preggo me, with a weight restriction of no more than 30 pounds, and him with ongoing back problems. But we did it. Sat on my butt and pushed with my feet while he bore all the weight of the tree itself. And its roots. And dirt. So awkward, but we make quite the team.
For my birthday, he got me a climbing rose bush, and an Apple tree. Are you sensing a trend? But how excited am I that he picked two of my favorite things? The Apple already has two small apples growing on it, and we'll probably let those two ripen but pinch of the rest this season, and maybe next, but what fun will it be to tell the kids to go outside and pick an apple to put in their lunch for school? Girl already eats her tomoatoes as fast as they turn red on the vine, so we never have any extra. Time to get the rest of my veggies in the ground, but I need to wait until Daddy gets his planting done so decisions can be made on location...
For my birthday, he got me a climbing rose bush, and an Apple tree. Are you sensing a trend? But how excited am I that he picked two of my favorite things? The Apple already has two small apples growing on it, and we'll probably let those two ripen but pinch of the rest this season, and maybe next, but what fun will it be to tell the kids to go outside and pick an apple to put in their lunch for school? Girl already eats her tomoatoes as fast as they turn red on the vine, so we never have any extra. Time to get the rest of my veggies in the ground, but I need to wait until Daddy gets his planting done so decisions can be made on location...
April 14, 2010
kicking
Well, I have been feeling flutters for a few weeks, if I am really still and lay on my side, I know there is some swimming going on in my tummy. I am at just over 4 months (almost 1/2 way!!) and I know it is early, but I felt the Girl around the same time. Little butterfly flutters and the occasional larger "roll". Daddy has been humoring me by placing his hand on my tummy... but last night he felt one of the 3 that I felt while he patiently kept his hand on my growing belly. The Girl tried later, and she "felt it, Mommy!" even though I felt nothing. Wishful thinking for her. Wait til she can sit across the room and watch my belly roll in a few months!
The month of our marriage, moths to a flame
I wrote this last month, but never published it... Here you go.
So, we were dating. It was...interesting. And lovely. And interesting. We enjoyed many of the same things. But we definitely prioritized differently. Friends were more important than relationships for him and more than once I felt let down and embarassed when he would be late because he and his friends lost track of time. I began to be kind of a nag, I admit it. That is not fun. For either of us. So, we stopped dating. Sort of. Time and again we would end up back together. Nothing official, but like moths to a flame, we both continued to be drawn in, even at times when the relationship was not the best one for either of us. You know the show Friends? Well, we are the real-life versions of Ross and Rachel. Friends, in love, friends, on a break, seeing other people, together but secretively, living together, parents together, living apart, on a break, friends, in love again, living together, and finally married. It was a long, bumpy road, and more than once, one of us or the other would throw in the towel. Enough. It was just too hard. It was not supposed to be that hard. At one time, he said this was the most dysfunctional relationship he had ever been in. He was probably right - then. But, the reality is that the path that led us here - including the heartbreak, the hurt, the confusion, the fear, was as meaningful - if much less enjoyable - part of the journey as the good parts -- of which there have been so very many. Without them, neither of us would be the spouse we are today. We fight. Like crazy sometimes. But it is funny how those fights have changed. The arguments are about stuff and situations, not about each other. They are arguments within a secure confines that divorce is not an option. Leaving is not a threat. "We are through" is not a possibility. It is safe to say what I mean, what I need, what I want... and know that I am heard - with as little defensiveness as possible.
For him, marriage changed the relationship. It became different for him. Attitudes about me, about family, all shifted into a different mode. I do not understand the difference for him. Why the word "wife" means something so wholely different than girlfriend or even fiancee. But I like the difference. It results in a whole difference for me - a better level of trust and security. A lack of fear. A confidence in him that I was unable to have before. A lack of wondering.
Had we been married in the beginning, I have no doubt we'd be one of those couples who married and divorced quickly, and made their friends shake their heads in disbelief as we dated after the divorce. Because he is it for me. All the times one of us walked away - and we both did our fair share - we were always drawn back. We share a child - now two. Contact between us would always have been a given. But we were drawn to each other, not just to her.
We are at 8 years together, just starting our life as a married couple. At the point at which you hear about the "seven-year itch", we are strong in our committment to each other, drawing together at that time marker in a relationship when many begin to pull apart.
Do I expect it to be perfect? Of course not. And we are not. He is still always late. I am still something of a nag. There are still character flaws that we both tiptoe around, and ones we acknowledge privately but choose to ignore. But we have been through the big crises. The REALLY BIG ONES. And we have come out the other end even more ready to commit our lives to each other. We know how to deal with Hell and High Water. We have already been there, done that. I know it will happen again - all marriages face times of crisis, and ours will be no exception. But we will survive. We already have.
I love him.
So, we were dating. It was...interesting. And lovely. And interesting. We enjoyed many of the same things. But we definitely prioritized differently. Friends were more important than relationships for him and more than once I felt let down and embarassed when he would be late because he and his friends lost track of time. I began to be kind of a nag, I admit it. That is not fun. For either of us. So, we stopped dating. Sort of. Time and again we would end up back together. Nothing official, but like moths to a flame, we both continued to be drawn in, even at times when the relationship was not the best one for either of us. You know the show Friends? Well, we are the real-life versions of Ross and Rachel. Friends, in love, friends, on a break, seeing other people, together but secretively, living together, parents together, living apart, on a break, friends, in love again, living together, and finally married. It was a long, bumpy road, and more than once, one of us or the other would throw in the towel. Enough. It was just too hard. It was not supposed to be that hard. At one time, he said this was the most dysfunctional relationship he had ever been in. He was probably right - then. But, the reality is that the path that led us here - including the heartbreak, the hurt, the confusion, the fear, was as meaningful - if much less enjoyable - part of the journey as the good parts -- of which there have been so very many. Without them, neither of us would be the spouse we are today. We fight. Like crazy sometimes. But it is funny how those fights have changed. The arguments are about stuff and situations, not about each other. They are arguments within a secure confines that divorce is not an option. Leaving is not a threat. "We are through" is not a possibility. It is safe to say what I mean, what I need, what I want... and know that I am heard - with as little defensiveness as possible.
For him, marriage changed the relationship. It became different for him. Attitudes about me, about family, all shifted into a different mode. I do not understand the difference for him. Why the word "wife" means something so wholely different than girlfriend or even fiancee. But I like the difference. It results in a whole difference for me - a better level of trust and security. A lack of fear. A confidence in him that I was unable to have before. A lack of wondering.
Had we been married in the beginning, I have no doubt we'd be one of those couples who married and divorced quickly, and made their friends shake their heads in disbelief as we dated after the divorce. Because he is it for me. All the times one of us walked away - and we both did our fair share - we were always drawn back. We share a child - now two. Contact between us would always have been a given. But we were drawn to each other, not just to her.
We are at 8 years together, just starting our life as a married couple. At the point at which you hear about the "seven-year itch", we are strong in our committment to each other, drawing together at that time marker in a relationship when many begin to pull apart.
Do I expect it to be perfect? Of course not. And we are not. He is still always late. I am still something of a nag. There are still character flaws that we both tiptoe around, and ones we acknowledge privately but choose to ignore. But we have been through the big crises. The REALLY BIG ONES. And we have come out the other end even more ready to commit our lives to each other. We know how to deal with Hell and High Water. We have already been there, done that. I know it will happen again - all marriages face times of crisis, and ours will be no exception. But we will survive. We already have.
I love him.
April 12, 2010
Assorted thoughts and ideas...
1. Did not want to go to work to day.
2. My plastic adjustor clip on the strap on my bra-tank-top thingy broke, so it is stabbing me. My friend wrapped duct tape around it. Better now.
3. Apparently I am going to need to file a tax extension, because we need lots of new documentation this year that I will need to compile, but did not know about.
4. There is nothing like working on a house project together to learn new things about your spouse. Try it.
5. Am an expert procrastinator. Ask me about it. I will tell you later.
6. My rice was simultaneously mushy and burnt last night. How can this happen?
7. I want to go home now.
8. :)
2. My plastic adjustor clip on the strap on my bra-tank-top thingy broke, so it is stabbing me. My friend wrapped duct tape around it. Better now.
3. Apparently I am going to need to file a tax extension, because we need lots of new documentation this year that I will need to compile, but did not know about.
4. There is nothing like working on a house project together to learn new things about your spouse. Try it.
5. Am an expert procrastinator. Ask me about it. I will tell you later.
6. My rice was simultaneously mushy and burnt last night. How can this happen?
7. I want to go home now.
8. :)
April 5, 2010
Quite the weekend, random memories of the Girl's birth
Friday, I mentioned to the school secretary that my science classes would be spending the day in 'the Habitat', which is two acres on the school grounds, containing an enclosed desert habitat, as well as a pond containing endangered fish that that some how has become my responsibilty...my boss overheard and asked if she could do my professional observation and eval during my class out there - no pressure... but it all went well, and my eval was great.
We had dinner at my in-laws, and got a chance to visit with the Daddy's aunt and cousin (and her family) in from Colorado. The Girl got to play with her second cousins? cousins once removed? I don't know - Daddy's cousin's children. We got home in time for me to hard boil some eggs to dye, and read story and crash into bed.
Update: Because I am anal about these things... I looked it up: The children were the Daddy's First Cousins, Once Removed, (because they are one generation "removed" from first cousins - the children of his first cousin) but that makes them the Girls' Second Cousins (share great-grandparents, but not grandparents). That may make them my First-Cousins-Once-Removed-In-Law, but we may be on the edge of ridiculous... Don't you feel better now?
Saturday, we had a landscape delivery, so my hubs has some BIG holes to dig today in the backyard so we can get our trees in the ground. I took the Girl to an Easter-egg hunt at church, then dropped her off at home, ran to the store for birthday presents (in my rush, got the wrong size shorts and didn't notice until she tried to put them on this morning!).
Home in time to dye easter eggs, change my clothes and comb my hair, then off to the Daddy's other cousin's wedding. It was lovely! The Girl caught the bouquet, effectively earning me a glare from the Daddy. (She is not to do that again until she is 13, he says). She ran around afterward singing "I'm a Single Lady" by Beyonce. I won a centerpiece of lucky bamboo, but most important, Daddy's cousin and friend married his best friend and they looked so happy! The Grandpa teared up watching the little cousins all play like Daddy and his cousins did when they were little, and everyone got a bit emotional thinking of the Twin. Got home in time to put the girl to bed at a reasonable time (sort of), fell asleep, and woke up in a panic with the Daddy shaking me to remind me the Easter bunny would need to come soon, and we had gifts to wrap. By the way, these types of responsibilities invariably fall on me.
7AM Sunday morning, and the Girl was up 30 minutes earlier than she was allowed to wake us, but it was an emergency! So I made her close her eyes and walked her to the bathroom, while I made sure that the Easter bunny had left everything ready-to-go, and started the coffee. She woke Daddy, camera was ready, and so was she. Easter-eggs hunts are a hoot. This is the first year she got to find real eggs instead of waiting for her cousin to arrive and hunting for plastic ones, and she did need a few hints... I taught her how to peel a boiled egg, and she liked it, except the yucky yellow. Oh well. :)
Daddy was a little aggravated that the Easter bunny brought his favorite candy for him too, but he couldn't get left out! We shared some quiet reflection on the meaning(s) of the day - Daddy cannot handle the large crowds and pure volume of Easter Sunday church service - last year he had to walk out and sit outside until the service was over, so we decided to forego in deference to his anxiety this year.
The girl opened some gifts - it was her birthday, too!- and we went out to lunch at Steakhouse - her choice, every year! We came home in time to feel the earthquake - my first one - I thought I was just pregnant-dizzy! (Neither Daddy nor I realized what was going on until we compared notes this morning after I watched the news.) We both decided to lay down - and we both think we had mild food-poisoning from the steak. :( After a quick nap, we cleaned the house, and finished just in time to greet the in-laws and cousins for a birthday party/Easter gathering for dessert - chocolate eggs, jelly beans, and ice cream cake. Life is good...
Can it really be that my baby is actually 6 years old? My little girl, who wore my socks this morning because she couldn't find her own - and they fit!!!
Can it really be that 6 years ago today I was in complete panic mode as I learned I would have to be completely sedated while they removed my ruptured gall-bladder? That I had to acknowledge that sometimes, albeit rarely, people do not wake up from anesthesia? That I had to agree to take that chance - leaving my brand new baby to head down to the OR - because otherwise I would likely die of infection eventually? That I wept from joy as I realized I was awake and could hold her in my arms? That afterward, I painfully pumped the milk from my breasts that would contained enough anesthesia that it would have poisoned my baby, and watched her daddy feed her formula from a bottle as they threw my milk away (in a hazardous waste container!).
We stayed in the maternity ward until it was safe for me to go home, and the day we were to go, we - the Girl and I - had to wait while the Daddy drove around with our friend looking for a fireman to approve his installation of the car seat (I may need to do that early this time!).
Other Random thoughts on her birth:
1. I remember very little detail, and have to ask the Daddy most details - time, weight, etc.
2. My labor was 40 hours.
3. I wore a 38 D going in, and a 44 DDD leaving. I actually needed a larger cup, but it was the biggest my mom could find.
4. I was assigned to the backseat for the ride home, as the Daddy was so nervous about her.
5. Truth is, I was assigned to the backseat until we turned her seat around, anytime we were all in the car. Again the nervous Daddy. Nevermind that I eventually drove her by myself sometimes...
6. We drove 15 miles per hour all the way home from the hospital. Literally. Nervous Daddy again.
7. I was literally one push away from a C-section - the doc was scrubbing in - when the nurse came in to say, "After 40 hours, are you really going to surgery now? You can do it!" And I did.
8. They stuck the pink bow to her head with KY jelly. Seriously.
We had dinner at my in-laws, and got a chance to visit with the Daddy's aunt and cousin (and her family) in from Colorado. The Girl got to play with her second cousins? cousins once removed? I don't know - Daddy's cousin's children. We got home in time for me to hard boil some eggs to dye, and read story and crash into bed.
Update: Because I am anal about these things... I looked it up: The children were the Daddy's First Cousins, Once Removed, (because they are one generation "removed" from first cousins - the children of his first cousin) but that makes them the Girls' Second Cousins (share great-grandparents, but not grandparents). That may make them my First-Cousins-Once-Removed-In-Law, but we may be on the edge of ridiculous... Don't you feel better now?
Saturday, we had a landscape delivery, so my hubs has some BIG holes to dig today in the backyard so we can get our trees in the ground. I took the Girl to an Easter-egg hunt at church, then dropped her off at home, ran to the store for birthday presents (in my rush, got the wrong size shorts and didn't notice until she tried to put them on this morning!).
Home in time to dye easter eggs, change my clothes and comb my hair, then off to the Daddy's other cousin's wedding. It was lovely! The Girl caught the bouquet, effectively earning me a glare from the Daddy. (She is not to do that again until she is 13, he says). She ran around afterward singing "I'm a Single Lady" by Beyonce. I won a centerpiece of lucky bamboo, but most important, Daddy's cousin and friend married his best friend and they looked so happy! The Grandpa teared up watching the little cousins all play like Daddy and his cousins did when they were little, and everyone got a bit emotional thinking of the Twin. Got home in time to put the girl to bed at a reasonable time (sort of), fell asleep, and woke up in a panic with the Daddy shaking me to remind me the Easter bunny would need to come soon, and we had gifts to wrap. By the way, these types of responsibilities invariably fall on me.
7AM Sunday morning, and the Girl was up 30 minutes earlier than she was allowed to wake us, but it was an emergency! So I made her close her eyes and walked her to the bathroom, while I made sure that the Easter bunny had left everything ready-to-go, and started the coffee. She woke Daddy, camera was ready, and so was she. Easter-eggs hunts are a hoot. This is the first year she got to find real eggs instead of waiting for her cousin to arrive and hunting for plastic ones, and she did need a few hints... I taught her how to peel a boiled egg, and she liked it, except the yucky yellow. Oh well. :)
Daddy was a little aggravated that the Easter bunny brought his favorite candy for him too, but he couldn't get left out! We shared some quiet reflection on the meaning(s) of the day - Daddy cannot handle the large crowds and pure volume of Easter Sunday church service - last year he had to walk out and sit outside until the service was over, so we decided to forego in deference to his anxiety this year.
The girl opened some gifts - it was her birthday, too!- and we went out to lunch at Steakhouse - her choice, every year! We came home in time to feel the earthquake - my first one - I thought I was just pregnant-dizzy! (Neither Daddy nor I realized what was going on until we compared notes this morning after I watched the news.) We both decided to lay down - and we both think we had mild food-poisoning from the steak. :( After a quick nap, we cleaned the house, and finished just in time to greet the in-laws and cousins for a birthday party/Easter gathering for dessert - chocolate eggs, jelly beans, and ice cream cake. Life is good...
Can it really be that my baby is actually 6 years old? My little girl, who wore my socks this morning because she couldn't find her own - and they fit!!!
Can it really be that 6 years ago today I was in complete panic mode as I learned I would have to be completely sedated while they removed my ruptured gall-bladder? That I had to acknowledge that sometimes, albeit rarely, people do not wake up from anesthesia? That I had to agree to take that chance - leaving my brand new baby to head down to the OR - because otherwise I would likely die of infection eventually? That I wept from joy as I realized I was awake and could hold her in my arms? That afterward, I painfully pumped the milk from my breasts that would contained enough anesthesia that it would have poisoned my baby, and watched her daddy feed her formula from a bottle as they threw my milk away (in a hazardous waste container!).
We stayed in the maternity ward until it was safe for me to go home, and the day we were to go, we - the Girl and I - had to wait while the Daddy drove around with our friend looking for a fireman to approve his installation of the car seat (I may need to do that early this time!).
Other Random thoughts on her birth:
1. I remember very little detail, and have to ask the Daddy most details - time, weight, etc.
2. My labor was 40 hours.
3. I wore a 38 D going in, and a 44 DDD leaving. I actually needed a larger cup, but it was the biggest my mom could find.
4. I was assigned to the backseat for the ride home, as the Daddy was so nervous about her.
5. Truth is, I was assigned to the backseat until we turned her seat around, anytime we were all in the car. Again the nervous Daddy. Nevermind that I eventually drove her by myself sometimes...
6. We drove 15 miles per hour all the way home from the hospital. Literally. Nervous Daddy again.
7. I was literally one push away from a C-section - the doc was scrubbing in - when the nurse came in to say, "After 40 hours, are you really going to surgery now? You can do it!" And I did.
8. They stuck the pink bow to her head with KY jelly. Seriously.
April 1, 2010
Cuz
I spent a good hour on the phone with my cousin last night and there was laughter and there was tears. As I asked her forgiveness for not letting go of an old issue, she showed me what compassion and forgiveness look like in reality. As she and I discussed my pregnancy, miscarriage, and pregnancy -- and her frustrated attempts to concieve, we laughed and wept together.
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