Lets move there. Says the daddy.
OK. I reply. Or Italy?
OK. When?
Either before I am too pregnant to move or right after the baby comes. You going active duty?
Maybe. Can we go to Alaska first?
Random. But sure. June?
Either that or I go without you. Answers the Daddy.
HAHA. To visit MY cousin, whom you've never met?
She did send the invitation to *my* email.
Touche. Alrighty then. Make a plan.
I love you.
MMMM HMMMMMMMM. me too.
February 26, 2010
February 24, 2010
10 down, 30 to go.
My littlest is ten weeks old. Also not born yet. I am ten weeks and one day pregnant (officially). That may change at my next ultrasound, since I was not tracking my cycles, having been on birthcontrol until November, and not thinking that conception would happen in December, Doc is judging by size and development.
10 weeks means - in theory, at least - 2 more of this miserable sickness and into the feeling good part of all this! I loved being pregnant the first time - the second trimester was wonderful - I felt great all of the time. I am ready to feel great again. The dr gave me a script for the morning sickness, so hopefully that will help me make it a little longer.
However, there is a stink in my fridge. Left-over lasagna and enchiladas - even covered!, plus last night's indian food in a take-out box make for the mama gagging and holding my breath to grab the jelly and the juice box to make the Girl's lunch today. There are not enough boxes of baking soda in the world to cure this particular stink. Gross.
10 weeks means - in theory, at least - 2 more of this miserable sickness and into the feeling good part of all this! I loved being pregnant the first time - the second trimester was wonderful - I felt great all of the time. I am ready to feel great again. The dr gave me a script for the morning sickness, so hopefully that will help me make it a little longer.
However, there is a stink in my fridge. Left-over lasagna and enchiladas - even covered!, plus last night's indian food in a take-out box make for the mama gagging and holding my breath to grab the jelly and the juice box to make the Girl's lunch today. There are not enough boxes of baking soda in the world to cure this particular stink. Gross.
February 17, 2010
Grief & strength
Everyone deal with grief in their own way. I get that. But when grief turns to anger and is misdirected, it just spells U_G_L_Y. Yep, all in caps.
As my husband and I lay in bed last night and talked about how we feel about the day's goings on, as he shared his fears and his dreams and his worries, I found myself commenting on where we are. As things fall apart around us, as relationships are pushed to the edge, as we watch friends and family torn up and torn apart, I marvel that is is us that are holding together. I would not have said either of us are at our best in a crisis. But I am surprised at how we have meshed our gifts. When I fall apart, he provides the strength our little family needs to stay together. This week, his turn to need to borrow some strength and I have been able to provide for him. We vowed "for better and for worse, in good times and in bad". Well, this is one of those worse, bad times. And we are surviving it. As I shared my thoughts, and said to him, "Through 8 years, through the times we never thought we'd make it, through the most difficult days we have gone through, the times we have caused each other such pain, did you ever imagine we would be this couple? The ones, out of all the crisis we see around us, that we are standing strong together?? I never imagined this." And he turned to me, and pulled me close and said, "Gee, Baby, you sure know how to sweet talk a guy." Yeah, I guess the words did not express my true feeling, but I think he understood.
As my husband and I lay in bed last night and talked about how we feel about the day's goings on, as he shared his fears and his dreams and his worries, I found myself commenting on where we are. As things fall apart around us, as relationships are pushed to the edge, as we watch friends and family torn up and torn apart, I marvel that is is us that are holding together. I would not have said either of us are at our best in a crisis. But I am surprised at how we have meshed our gifts. When I fall apart, he provides the strength our little family needs to stay together. This week, his turn to need to borrow some strength and I have been able to provide for him. We vowed "for better and for worse, in good times and in bad". Well, this is one of those worse, bad times. And we are surviving it. As I shared my thoughts, and said to him, "Through 8 years, through the times we never thought we'd make it, through the most difficult days we have gone through, the times we have caused each other such pain, did you ever imagine we would be this couple? The ones, out of all the crisis we see around us, that we are standing strong together?? I never imagined this." And he turned to me, and pulled me close and said, "Gee, Baby, you sure know how to sweet talk a guy." Yeah, I guess the words did not express my true feeling, but I think he understood.
February 16, 2010
commenting and peeves
So, I think it is funny that most of the 2.5 people who actually read this send me facebook inbox messages about my blog but don't comment here. It amuses me. :)
I also think that I love talking to people who agree with me. Especially when they say, "You said what I wanted to say, but didn't know how." Because usually when I talk, especially about something I feel strongly about, I spend 5 seconds speaking my mind and the next 5 minutes trying to crow-bar my foot out of my mouth. I don't mind talking to people who disagree with me, but I sure do hate when people lie or misconstrue what I have said . Just saying. I also hate false apologies. Neither here nor there, but just something that popped in to my head.
Ok, enough . Later.
I also think that I love talking to people who agree with me. Especially when they say, "You said what I wanted to say, but didn't know how." Because usually when I talk, especially about something I feel strongly about, I spend 5 seconds speaking my mind and the next 5 minutes trying to crow-bar my foot out of my mouth. I don't mind talking to people who disagree with me, but I sure do hate when people lie or misconstrue what I have said . Just saying. I also hate false apologies. Neither here nor there, but just something that popped in to my head.
Ok, enough . Later.
February 8, 2010
The Circle of Life
The secret is out; yes I am pregnant. YAY us. We are due September 21. This has been a difficult month as we waited and did testing, and tried to keep the secret. You see, now that the news is out, we have also been able to tell those that did not know already that we had a miscarriage in early November. Some of my earlier posts may make more sense now. It was early on, and my body recovered quickly (obviously). But we had been so filled with Joy that all we did was laugh and giggle and tease each other about how fertile the Daddy must be that this was our second baby that we were suprised by (I was on birth control both times). We told the Girl we had a baby coming. And then we had to tell her we didn't.
We acknowledge that I am old, fertility-wise. We are aware that the older a woman is, the older her eggs are, and that something was wrong, and the was God's way of taking care of me, of us. But that did not mean we did not mourn. And in the midst of our mourning, we decided to stop all precautions and let God give us a baby when He was ready.
We just did not think He - or my body - would be ready so soon.
We found out that we were pregnant the same day we found out that Daddy's twin brother's time on earth was drawing to a close sooner than we thought. This has been a different first month of knowing, as we alternate emotions. We are not any less thrilled and happy about this pregnancy, but the emotional roller coaster is hard on us, especially the Daddy. He is happy enough that he told his Twin right away and the Twin asked for and saw the ultrasound before the Daddy held it in his hand. (Daddy saw an electronic version earlier that day). Long before anyone else in the family knew.
We are overjoyed and we are devastated. We are wildly excited and looking at each new day with dread that it may likely be the Twin's last day. As I desperately try to sleep off the around-the-clock nausea, the Daddy tries desperately not to close his eyes as he sits with the Twin all night long.
I hold my husband in my arms as he weeps and know that I cannot take his pain. While he weeps that he cannot take the pain from his brother.
The Girl spilled the beans a few days ago, and the reaction of the gathered family was lovely. As we stood in the hallway, taking turns visiting the Twin, hope pushed aside some of the despair. Faces that have struggled to find smiles lately gathered close in congratulations and hope. Daddy's oldest sister squeezed me hard when I whispered, "We didn't mean to tell everyone quite like this," and replied, "It is good news. It is the circle of life."
We acknowledge that I am old, fertility-wise. We are aware that the older a woman is, the older her eggs are, and that something was wrong, and the was God's way of taking care of me, of us. But that did not mean we did not mourn. And in the midst of our mourning, we decided to stop all precautions and let God give us a baby when He was ready.
We just did not think He - or my body - would be ready so soon.
We found out that we were pregnant the same day we found out that Daddy's twin brother's time on earth was drawing to a close sooner than we thought. This has been a different first month of knowing, as we alternate emotions. We are not any less thrilled and happy about this pregnancy, but the emotional roller coaster is hard on us, especially the Daddy. He is happy enough that he told his Twin right away and the Twin asked for and saw the ultrasound before the Daddy held it in his hand. (Daddy saw an electronic version earlier that day). Long before anyone else in the family knew.
We are overjoyed and we are devastated. We are wildly excited and looking at each new day with dread that it may likely be the Twin's last day. As I desperately try to sleep off the around-the-clock nausea, the Daddy tries desperately not to close his eyes as he sits with the Twin all night long.
I hold my husband in my arms as he weeps and know that I cannot take his pain. While he weeps that he cannot take the pain from his brother.
The Girl spilled the beans a few days ago, and the reaction of the gathered family was lovely. As we stood in the hallway, taking turns visiting the Twin, hope pushed aside some of the despair. Faces that have struggled to find smiles lately gathered close in congratulations and hope. Daddy's oldest sister squeezed me hard when I whispered, "We didn't mean to tell everyone quite like this," and replied, "It is good news. It is the circle of life."
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