We are prepping for a week in the mountains. I know this is a trip we need to take, Daddy really wants to. But it has been a hard weekend as the Twin is in the forefront of his mind. His head dropped against me, his forehead on mine, his cheek to my shoulder, or his chin to my hair, with a sigh "I miss Scott," more often than I could count this last few days. He twitches in his sleep, which means he is having a bad dream, and as I gently wake him up, he whispers "Thank you" each time. I am not sure how he is going to do this weekend, and honestly, I am anxious. I wish he did not want to stay so long, frankly.
***
The Girl is going through a ridiculously sassy stage. If I have heard "I hate you," "You are the worst mommy ever," "I wish I was in a different family," once, I have heard it a thousand times lately. I am OVER it. I am SO ready to bust out the bar of soap. I would so appreciate a night off, but here is the reality: Moms rarely get those. I shudder to envision age 13 when age 6 looks like this. If you are reading, be aware you may get a call that she is on her way, with a FULL suitcase, at any moment, whether you are in Arizona, Colorado, Ohio, or Turkey. (Either that, or I am!!) :)
Be forewarned.
***
Went to the Dr yesterday. Alone, not good, because this time was a bit anxiety-provoking. Started out ok - I only gained one pound (which is a total gain of only 2 pounds since my first pregnancy visit!), my belly has grown 4 cm, my BP is great. However, the fetal heartrate was at 177. That is 27 bpm more than usual. If it peaks high like that, then drops to normal, that is good. But at the 3 minute mark, both the PA and I were starting to get anxious. "What did you eat?" "Have you had caffiene today?" and so on. Finally she says, lets get some more water in you, maybe you are just dehydrated. Did I mention I was not in the least bit thirsty??? But 4 glasses of water and 30 minutes later, I was scared when I suddenly broke out in a sweat. Head to toe, no glistening perspiration here, but full body soaked in a matter of seconds - in spite of air conditioning, water, deodorant - I had sweat dripping from every pore of my body - running down my stomach, my back, my legs - even my hair suddenly was soaked; it was awful. And frightening. I quickly told the nurse and they got me back into a room, and took my vitals. Turns out, two minutes later I was absolutely chilled to the bone.
However, my fetal signs all were back to normal. She was kicking normally as well. Doc hands me an apple juice and forbids me to leave just yet.
Turns out I was dehydrated, and did not even realize it. Then she determined my blood sugar was too low, causing the sweats and chills. (No one has ever told me I do not eat enough. Ever.) Another 20 minutes and we were both back to normal, and I was sent on my way with orders to take it easy the rest of the day and call if the sweats came back. Nice.
Fortunately, we both seem to be OK today - I feel good.
June 29, 2010
June 24, 2010
One of those days
It is one of those days where I feel disconnected, discombobulated, and isolated. I know it is the depression rearing its ugly head to see if I will give in - I won't - but that does not mean the tears aren't falling for no good reason anyway.
So that reminds me of the purpose - the gratitude I started this page acknowledging:
1. The fresh new life burrowed under my heart, kicking with strength and regularity, reminding me she is growing strong and healthy
2. Jobs, in this uncertain economy where so many who are looking cannot find one.
3. The Daddy is home for a while as orders have changed and been shifted around.
4. The Daddy is NOT leaving for Iraq next month, thanks to the CO, who says the team is not ready. Surprise! We didn't even know the option to go so soon was on the table.
5. The Girl who MUST have a little mermaid in her, as she always claims. She is my water baby - swimming the width of the Grandparent's pool underwater. Just all of a sudden she decided to do it. Alrighty then.
6. The ache in my bum and my triceps, telling me the workouts are having some effect.
Ok, that worked, eyes are dry.
Love-me
So that reminds me of the purpose - the gratitude I started this page acknowledging:
1. The fresh new life burrowed under my heart, kicking with strength and regularity, reminding me she is growing strong and healthy
2. Jobs, in this uncertain economy where so many who are looking cannot find one.
3. The Daddy is home for a while as orders have changed and been shifted around.
4. The Daddy is NOT leaving for Iraq next month, thanks to the CO, who says the team is not ready. Surprise! We didn't even know the option to go so soon was on the table.
5. The Girl who MUST have a little mermaid in her, as she always claims. She is my water baby - swimming the width of the Grandparent's pool underwater. Just all of a sudden she decided to do it. Alrighty then.
6. The ache in my bum and my triceps, telling me the workouts are having some effect.
Ok, that worked, eyes are dry.
Love-me
June 19, 2010
Reflections
I look in the mirror.
I see the woman:
the mother,
the wife,
the sister,
the daughter,
the friend,
the aunt,
the teacher...
I see me.
Sometimes that glass darkens
and blurrs
and I forget
to look through the poorly reflected image
to the real me,
the one inside.
The one that needs to take time
to be the wife
and mother
first.
The one that cries
tears of joy,
tears of anger,
tears of sadness
so easily
But forgets to laugh
It is time to forget
those tears of anger
tears of sadness
meaningless chores
and imposed responsibilities.
To forget what others say
I need
and meet my own needs
chase my own dreams
Find the woman
behind
the
reflection
I see the woman:
the mother,
the wife,
the sister,
the daughter,
the friend,
the aunt,
the teacher...
I see me.
Sometimes that glass darkens
and blurrs
and I forget
to look through the poorly reflected image
to the real me,
the one inside.
The one that needs to take time
to be the wife
and mother
first.
The one that cries
tears of joy,
tears of anger,
tears of sadness
so easily
But forgets to laugh
It is time to forget
those tears of anger
tears of sadness
meaningless chores
and imposed responsibilities.
To forget what others say
I need
and meet my own needs
chase my own dreams
Find the woman
behind
the
reflection
June 18, 2010
Hotel living
I think we have spent more time living in hotels than at home the last few weeks, and I know it is true for the Daddy. There is something exciting about leaving home with your suitcase to try something new for a few days.
There is something even better about coming home and sleeping in your own bed.
We have run the gamit of hotels lately - from the surprisingly nice Motel 6 at Disneyland to the bare-bones, no frills base hotel, to the dirty dive the troops were moved to, to the posh resort the Girl and I were treated during my work conference.
One thing that remains the same however, is if there is a pool, mija is happy. Especially if she has some friends to swim with. She can make a friend anywhere - in that way only young children can.
It makes me think of my childhood penpal - whom I met at a pool in North Carolina where we were both on vacation with our families, and both about 10 years old. We have recently connected on Facebook - and it was so bizzarre! We don't know who we know in common, and I did not have her email, but one day she mysteriously popped up on my "You may know..." list. It has been fun to reconnect.
There is something even better about coming home and sleeping in your own bed.
We have run the gamit of hotels lately - from the surprisingly nice Motel 6 at Disneyland to the bare-bones, no frills base hotel, to the dirty dive the troops were moved to, to the posh resort the Girl and I were treated during my work conference.
One thing that remains the same however, is if there is a pool, mija is happy. Especially if she has some friends to swim with. She can make a friend anywhere - in that way only young children can.
It makes me think of my childhood penpal - whom I met at a pool in North Carolina where we were both on vacation with our families, and both about 10 years old. We have recently connected on Facebook - and it was so bizzarre! We don't know who we know in common, and I did not have her email, but one day she mysteriously popped up on my "You may know..." list. It has been fun to reconnect.
June 10, 2010
Misc random odds and ends
Nuh uh. Really? REALLY? REALLY? REALLY? PUKE! Ok, now that I got that off my chest... moving on.
Had fun yesterday helping a friend pick colors and a pattern for a new kids-room paint job. Couldn't stay for the painting, due to the fumes, but can't wait to see the finished project.
Will be helping the Girl fix up her doll-house that was made by my husband's grandfather for his mother when she was a girl. It was a belated birthday gift, and has spent some time in the heat in her shed, so it needs some TLC -- splintered wood, peedling paint. But what a keepsake. My dollhouse was thrown away -- without my permission -- after I moved into my first apartment. But what fond memories I have of working with my parents to make it just how I wanted it - complete with curtains, carpet and the works - and then hours playing with it.
Finally heard from my hubs after several days of no contact - I hate that! - of course I was sound asleep when he finally texted for the first time this week, but he told me when to be on stand-by for a phone call. It is like when he deployed and would email me what time he would be able to call... Gee, such memories. And foreshadowing of the good times to come. (Read lots of sacrasm into that tone!)
Gearing up for a conference out to town - complete with a nanny in tow, since Daddy can't come - at a posh resort. Looking forward to it. Attending with my boss, so that should be interesting!
Got invited to a "passion party" tonight; no sitter yet so not sure if I am going, but those things are hysterical. I hosted one when Daddy's unit was returning home, for the wives club. I also hosted a Pampered Chef party once. They sell way more at passion parties, FYI, for I saw the final sales figures for both events. Just an observation.
Lots to do today, so I am off-
Love, me
Had fun yesterday helping a friend pick colors and a pattern for a new kids-room paint job. Couldn't stay for the painting, due to the fumes, but can't wait to see the finished project.
Will be helping the Girl fix up her doll-house that was made by my husband's grandfather for his mother when she was a girl. It was a belated birthday gift, and has spent some time in the heat in her shed, so it needs some TLC -- splintered wood, peedling paint. But what a keepsake. My dollhouse was thrown away -- without my permission -- after I moved into my first apartment. But what fond memories I have of working with my parents to make it just how I wanted it - complete with curtains, carpet and the works - and then hours playing with it.
Finally heard from my hubs after several days of no contact - I hate that! - of course I was sound asleep when he finally texted for the first time this week, but he told me when to be on stand-by for a phone call. It is like when he deployed and would email me what time he would be able to call... Gee, such memories. And foreshadowing of the good times to come. (Read lots of sacrasm into that tone!)
Gearing up for a conference out to town - complete with a nanny in tow, since Daddy can't come - at a posh resort. Looking forward to it. Attending with my boss, so that should be interesting!
Got invited to a "passion party" tonight; no sitter yet so not sure if I am going, but those things are hysterical. I hosted one when Daddy's unit was returning home, for the wives club. I also hosted a Pampered Chef party once. They sell way more at passion parties, FYI, for I saw the final sales figures for both events. Just an observation.
Lots to do today, so I am off-
Love, me
June 4, 2010
Promise kept 3
Waiting to begin Kinder Graduation.
A is for the Alephabet we practiced eveyday!
My Future is so Bright...
My baby goes to first grade!!
Promise kept 2
The Girl takes on the Daddy in a swordfight!
Ignore my crooked hat. You can tell a BOY took the picture. :)
Now THAT is a belly shot. Hey Baby!
(Yep, hat still crooked. Same photographer)
Promise kept 1
We are really at Disneyland?!?!
Can I meet a princess? (Or 3?)
Apparently you learn the pose at Princess School.
And even Daddy got a little princess action. He doesn't look TOO disappointed that it is not Ariel or Cinderella, does he?
Yep, baby belly! Hi Tori!
The pics are out of order - this is when we first arrived - The Girl still does not know where we are.
We had a blast!!
Gone 8 hours
He has been gone 8 hours and I am lonely already. Silly, I know, because if it were a normal week, he'd be at work anyway. There is something about knowing he will be gone most of the summer that makes this first day so lonely. And NO ONE is answering their phone GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
I know he is feeling it too, since he asked if I minded if he spend the gas money to come home a couple of times - even if just to sleep. Please do! And once the FARP is set up and they get a routine going, would we come down and stay at a nearby hotel for a few days so we can catch a few hours together. Yes please!
I look around and there are signs of his disorganized, hasty exit at 3:30 this morning. I remember him waking me up to say goodbye, and asking me some questions - I remember neither the questions nor the answers, so I am not sure how reliable those answers might have been... My couch is covered with discarded ACU's, apparently neither needed nor wanted this time... the loveseat strewn with extra laundry he washed but did not take... My phone blips with text messages, and I jump to see if one is from him.
I remember teasing a friend when she complained she missed her husband so much that she was a bit depressed when he had been gone a week, and I swore in my independance that would never be me. HA.
UPDATE: He called as I posted this and asked me to come down for the night. No sitters available, so the girl goes too, begging to be left behind! Too last minute to make it work for an overnight for her, but next time!
I know he is feeling it too, since he asked if I minded if he spend the gas money to come home a couple of times - even if just to sleep. Please do! And once the FARP is set up and they get a routine going, would we come down and stay at a nearby hotel for a few days so we can catch a few hours together. Yes please!
I look around and there are signs of his disorganized, hasty exit at 3:30 this morning. I remember him waking me up to say goodbye, and asking me some questions - I remember neither the questions nor the answers, so I am not sure how reliable those answers might have been... My couch is covered with discarded ACU's, apparently neither needed nor wanted this time... the loveseat strewn with extra laundry he washed but did not take... My phone blips with text messages, and I jump to see if one is from him.
I remember teasing a friend when she complained she missed her husband so much that she was a bit depressed when he had been gone a week, and I swore in my independance that would never be me. HA.
UPDATE: He called as I posted this and asked me to come down for the night. No sitters available, so the girl goes too, begging to be left behind! Too last minute to make it work for an overnight for her, but next time!
June 3, 2010
The recap and recovery
We left the house around midnight, slept in the truck for an hour around 4 AM and rolled into our hotel at 6 AM. Dad and I slept for a few hours and then we walked to Disneyland.
The trip was a blast. The girl took FOREVER to figure out where we were - but once she did, she wason cloud nine. The weather was beautiful, overcast and comfortable. We beat the summer rush, so the lines were pretty short everywhere. She got to meet the princesses and get autographs. Daddy got his Goofy pirate hat (and wore it camping - hahaha). It was fun to hear the Daddy reminisce about the last trip he took there - fifteen or twenty years ago - with his sisters and their families. (Court - he thinks you were about the Girl's age). The Girl and I got to wear our buttons, proudly proclaiming us to be first time visiters.
I wasn't able to participate in everything, but it was a true joy to watch my husband and daughter wave from the top of the Matterhorn and shout my name from the top of Tarzan's tree house (I sat out on trip number two to the top). I never knew - until I was a mother - the joy that could be had from being left behind and watching your child experience independence and joy.
We stayed until they kicked us out, grabbed some late dinner on the way back to the hotel, and slept. And slept. And slept. Until past checkout time. Oops. They were pretty nice about it though - anf fortunately very forgiving.
Then off to camp. And the chaos that accompanies living out of a tent. And midnight nightmares. Of the 6-year-old variety. Screaming. In a tent. About bugs. We tried "Daddy used special no-bug medicine on your sleeping bag." "Trade pillows with mommy - there are no bugs on mine." "WAKE UP!" All to to avail.
"Did your daughter have a nightmare last night?" Yes, what was your first clue? Besides that she woke you up screaming from 3 tents away?
Poor baby. She is nightmare prone - night terrors when she was smaller, and she has the recurring "bug" nightmare - we think she gets it when she starts a growth spurt. She just doesn't feel right in her own skin and the only way she can describe it is "bugs on her."
She got to play in a "boxing tournament" - by which she means "boffer tournament" - which is the nickname we give to foam swords for the kids to use- she had a ball with the other kids and the daddies. We also got to shoot in an archery tournament together, and the MOMMY got a bull's eye! Yay me!
We made it home in one piece, and I talked Daddy into parking the truck in the backyard and going straight to bed - which left me unpacking what I could.
I am buried in suitcases, camping gear, laundry and mementos. My house looks like a hurricane hit, as I unpack, and Daddy packs to leave tonight for 3 weeks of training. My SIL just texted and invited me to visit while he is gone, but I am pretty sure the Daddy would be awfully jealous!
I promise pics a lot, but I am too tired to search for the camera right now, so give ma a few days and I will overwhelm you!
:) With love-
The Mommy
The trip was a blast. The girl took FOREVER to figure out where we were - but once she did, she wason cloud nine. The weather was beautiful, overcast and comfortable. We beat the summer rush, so the lines were pretty short everywhere. She got to meet the princesses and get autographs. Daddy got his Goofy pirate hat (and wore it camping - hahaha). It was fun to hear the Daddy reminisce about the last trip he took there - fifteen or twenty years ago - with his sisters and their families. (Court - he thinks you were about the Girl's age). The Girl and I got to wear our buttons, proudly proclaiming us to be first time visiters.
I wasn't able to participate in everything, but it was a true joy to watch my husband and daughter wave from the top of the Matterhorn and shout my name from the top of Tarzan's tree house (I sat out on trip number two to the top). I never knew - until I was a mother - the joy that could be had from being left behind and watching your child experience independence and joy.
We stayed until they kicked us out, grabbed some late dinner on the way back to the hotel, and slept. And slept. And slept. Until past checkout time. Oops. They were pretty nice about it though - anf fortunately very forgiving.
Then off to camp. And the chaos that accompanies living out of a tent. And midnight nightmares. Of the 6-year-old variety. Screaming. In a tent. About bugs. We tried "Daddy used special no-bug medicine on your sleeping bag." "Trade pillows with mommy - there are no bugs on mine." "WAKE UP!" All to to avail.
"Did your daughter have a nightmare last night?" Yes, what was your first clue? Besides that she woke you up screaming from 3 tents away?
Poor baby. She is nightmare prone - night terrors when she was smaller, and she has the recurring "bug" nightmare - we think she gets it when she starts a growth spurt. She just doesn't feel right in her own skin and the only way she can describe it is "bugs on her."
She got to play in a "boxing tournament" - by which she means "boffer tournament" - which is the nickname we give to foam swords for the kids to use- she had a ball with the other kids and the daddies. We also got to shoot in an archery tournament together, and the MOMMY got a bull's eye! Yay me!
We made it home in one piece, and I talked Daddy into parking the truck in the backyard and going straight to bed - which left me unpacking what I could.
I am buried in suitcases, camping gear, laundry and mementos. My house looks like a hurricane hit, as I unpack, and Daddy packs to leave tonight for 3 weeks of training. My SIL just texted and invited me to visit while he is gone, but I am pretty sure the Daddy would be awfully jealous!
I promise pics a lot, but I am too tired to search for the camera right now, so give ma a few days and I will overwhelm you!
:) With love-
The Mommy
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