The Family Bed

We are some pretty controversial parents around here. We think spanking has a time and a place. We think mothers should be allowed to nurse in public. We think family time is so much more important than a tidy little house. We also believe in the family bed.

We have always put itty-bitty to bed with us, when she was tiny, the bassinet was next to the bed, but as she grew, we moved her right into the bed. It made for some sleep deprivations when she was little, because I was terrified I would roll onto her, so I nevcr slept soundly. I could never do the "let her cry it out" in her own room thing. I had a hard time caging my sad baby into her crib when she was unhappy, and neither could her daddy. If my job as a parent in partly to help my child feel secure and safe, how does letting her cry alone in the dark do that? Now, if you see this from the other side of the coin, I totally get those arguments too, so don't blast me with comments about how your way is better. It isn't, and neither is mine - but co-sleeping really worked and works for us. As she has grown, rolling onto her is no longer a fear, but being kicked in the kidneys, the chest or even the face sometimes equates to less sleep for the daddy and me. When the daddy was in Afghanistan, we made the transition into her own bed more than once - mainly in hopes that she would not feel jealous of his place in my affections and in the bed when he got home - but it never really took. More than once I thanked God for the wisdom to let her back in - when the heat from her fever woke me up before it got hot enough for long enough to be truly dangerous, when she threw up in her sleep laying on her back and began to choke on it...

The daddy and I have had some frustrating times as we acknowledged the need to transition her to her own bed so we get a good night sleep after a particularly restless one, and the need for that private time. We also ruefully acknowleged there will be a time when that cozy family cuddle and snooze will be a thing of the past. As over the past year she has fallen asleep every night in her own bed and is starting to spend more mornings waking up there as well, we praise her and exclaim at how grown up she is, and we privately mourn the loss. Don't grow up too fast, little one. You are always welcome to seek shelter from the dark, from the bad dreams, and the upset tummy. You are always welcome back into the bed for some cuddle and kisses, or just to snuggle up to mama and fall back asleeep. You are welcome to sleep in our bed when you need that. The family bed.