She did it again

My sister. Seriously. Knows. Exactly. What. To. Say. To. Hurt. Me. In. A. Way. That. Makes. Me. The. B. If. I. Say. Anything. About. It.

This time, the bridesmaids for her wedding. We were discussing that she chose watermelon colored dresses, in a maternity-friendly style, just in case any of us that are pregnant by then actually want to look like we have a watermelon stuck up our dress. She mentions that it would flatter me (apparently because I am so fat in her opinion, which I ignore - and to clarify, she does NOT know we are trying to get pregnant)) and also that 2 of the bidesmaids that are hoping to be pregnant. She mentions them by name -oh-so-casually. Then the dramatic pause. Then as I remain silent, "What?" Nothing, sister dear, nothing at all. Not that it breaks my heart that one of them one of MY childhood dearest friends, who I asked to stand for me less than a year ago, who backed out at the ninth hour because being in a wedding would be too expensive as she undergoes fertility treatments. I was disappointed, but excited that she might become a mama, and told her I totally understood - hoping and being happy for her as she tries to have a baby far out weighs standing at my side at my wedding. So, I am hurt that she would accept my sister's invitation less than a year later, surprised my sister would even ask her. And left looking like the bitch if I even show I care.

Ok, that sounds all like righteous indignation. Here is why I can't say a word: that dear friend, also a cousin. Making her also my sisters cousin. Who doesn't have the right to ask their cousin to be in their wedding? Note, the cousin and I are the same age, grew up together, traded vacations to each others homes as adults, until I was living with the Daddy, she came out every New Years, and we were and have been very close. We became slightly more distant as our lives moved down different paths, but remained in touch and - I thought - remained close. The sister is 7 years younger, never in our social group, never spent vacations as an adult with us, etc. Yet still the cousin. None of the other girl cousins of our generation have been asked. Yet still the cousin. Making me the B for being even a little upset at either of them.

So paste that smile on, girl. Here we go around the carousel again.