Moved

I am moved by the spirit in the oddest way. I weep. And weep and weep and weep. Almost every Sunday in worship. The rest of the congregation is probably starting to think I am a little crazy. I have to laugh and reassure someone almost every week. And I often get checked up on by my pastor.

I started weeping in Church when I was about 20. By then, I no longer attended with my family, but rather at a church where I worked in the offices. The first time I heard Father L say the Mass, I was moved to tears. And they did not stop week after week. So I stopped going to church. It frightened me, exhausted me. The Daddy and I started attending church again as a couple, and usually I can hide the tears from him. Lately, not so much. I wept so much this morning that I came home from Worship exhausted and slept for 3 hours.

I do not know why this happens to me. Often I am joyous, sometimes I am not. Sometimes the sermon speaks to my heart, other time I do not feel as connected. It does not matter the scripture reading. It does not matter the preacher.

It drains me. Does the Lord need to drain me in order to fill me up again? Is it outward punishment for my sins? It is meant to rid my soul of that which holds me back? I do not know. But I do know that it is getting worse.