I think we have spent more time living in hotels than at home the last few weeks, and I know it is true for the Daddy. There is something exciting about leaving home with your suitcase to try something new for a few days.
There is something even better about coming home and sleeping in your own bed.
We have run the gamit of hotels lately - from the surprisingly nice Motel 6 at Disneyland to the bare-bones, no frills base hotel, to the dirty dive the troops were moved to, to the posh resort the Girl and I were treated during my work conference.
One thing that remains the same however, is if there is a pool, mija is happy. Especially if she has some friends to swim with. She can make a friend anywhere - in that way only young children can.
It makes me think of my childhood penpal - whom I met at a pool in North Carolina where we were both on vacation with our families, and both about 10 years old. We have recently connected on Facebook - and it was so bizzarre! We don't know who we know in common, and I did not have her email, but one day she mysteriously popped up on my "You may know..." list. It has been fun to reconnect.
June 18, 2010
June 10, 2010
Misc random odds and ends
Nuh uh. Really? REALLY? REALLY? REALLY? PUKE! Ok, now that I got that off my chest... moving on.
Had fun yesterday helping a friend pick colors and a pattern for a new kids-room paint job. Couldn't stay for the painting, due to the fumes, but can't wait to see the finished project.
Will be helping the Girl fix up her doll-house that was made by my husband's grandfather for his mother when she was a girl. It was a belated birthday gift, and has spent some time in the heat in her shed, so it needs some TLC -- splintered wood, peedling paint. But what a keepsake. My dollhouse was thrown away -- without my permission -- after I moved into my first apartment. But what fond memories I have of working with my parents to make it just how I wanted it - complete with curtains, carpet and the works - and then hours playing with it.
Finally heard from my hubs after several days of no contact - I hate that! - of course I was sound asleep when he finally texted for the first time this week, but he told me when to be on stand-by for a phone call. It is like when he deployed and would email me what time he would be able to call... Gee, such memories. And foreshadowing of the good times to come. (Read lots of sacrasm into that tone!)
Gearing up for a conference out to town - complete with a nanny in tow, since Daddy can't come - at a posh resort. Looking forward to it. Attending with my boss, so that should be interesting!
Got invited to a "passion party" tonight; no sitter yet so not sure if I am going, but those things are hysterical. I hosted one when Daddy's unit was returning home, for the wives club. I also hosted a Pampered Chef party once. They sell way more at passion parties, FYI, for I saw the final sales figures for both events. Just an observation.
Lots to do today, so I am off-
Love, me
Had fun yesterday helping a friend pick colors and a pattern for a new kids-room paint job. Couldn't stay for the painting, due to the fumes, but can't wait to see the finished project.
Will be helping the Girl fix up her doll-house that was made by my husband's grandfather for his mother when she was a girl. It was a belated birthday gift, and has spent some time in the heat in her shed, so it needs some TLC -- splintered wood, peedling paint. But what a keepsake. My dollhouse was thrown away -- without my permission -- after I moved into my first apartment. But what fond memories I have of working with my parents to make it just how I wanted it - complete with curtains, carpet and the works - and then hours playing with it.
Finally heard from my hubs after several days of no contact - I hate that! - of course I was sound asleep when he finally texted for the first time this week, but he told me when to be on stand-by for a phone call. It is like when he deployed and would email me what time he would be able to call... Gee, such memories. And foreshadowing of the good times to come. (Read lots of sacrasm into that tone!)
Gearing up for a conference out to town - complete with a nanny in tow, since Daddy can't come - at a posh resort. Looking forward to it. Attending with my boss, so that should be interesting!
Got invited to a "passion party" tonight; no sitter yet so not sure if I am going, but those things are hysterical. I hosted one when Daddy's unit was returning home, for the wives club. I also hosted a Pampered Chef party once. They sell way more at passion parties, FYI, for I saw the final sales figures for both events. Just an observation.
Lots to do today, so I am off-
Love, me
June 4, 2010
Promise kept 3
Waiting to begin Kinder Graduation.
A is for the Alephabet we practiced eveyday!
My Future is so Bright...
My baby goes to first grade!!
Promise kept 2
The Girl takes on the Daddy in a swordfight!
Ignore my crooked hat. You can tell a BOY took the picture. :)
Now THAT is a belly shot. Hey Baby!
(Yep, hat still crooked. Same photographer)
Promise kept 1
We are really at Disneyland?!?!
Can I meet a princess? (Or 3?)
Apparently you learn the pose at Princess School.
And even Daddy got a little princess action. He doesn't look TOO disappointed that it is not Ariel or Cinderella, does he?
Yep, baby belly! Hi Tori!
The pics are out of order - this is when we first arrived - The Girl still does not know where we are.
We had a blast!!
Gone 8 hours
He has been gone 8 hours and I am lonely already. Silly, I know, because if it were a normal week, he'd be at work anyway. There is something about knowing he will be gone most of the summer that makes this first day so lonely. And NO ONE is answering their phone GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
I know he is feeling it too, since he asked if I minded if he spend the gas money to come home a couple of times - even if just to sleep. Please do! And once the FARP is set up and they get a routine going, would we come down and stay at a nearby hotel for a few days so we can catch a few hours together. Yes please!
I look around and there are signs of his disorganized, hasty exit at 3:30 this morning. I remember him waking me up to say goodbye, and asking me some questions - I remember neither the questions nor the answers, so I am not sure how reliable those answers might have been... My couch is covered with discarded ACU's, apparently neither needed nor wanted this time... the loveseat strewn with extra laundry he washed but did not take... My phone blips with text messages, and I jump to see if one is from him.
I remember teasing a friend when she complained she missed her husband so much that she was a bit depressed when he had been gone a week, and I swore in my independance that would never be me. HA.
UPDATE: He called as I posted this and asked me to come down for the night. No sitters available, so the girl goes too, begging to be left behind! Too last minute to make it work for an overnight for her, but next time!
I know he is feeling it too, since he asked if I minded if he spend the gas money to come home a couple of times - even if just to sleep. Please do! And once the FARP is set up and they get a routine going, would we come down and stay at a nearby hotel for a few days so we can catch a few hours together. Yes please!
I look around and there are signs of his disorganized, hasty exit at 3:30 this morning. I remember him waking me up to say goodbye, and asking me some questions - I remember neither the questions nor the answers, so I am not sure how reliable those answers might have been... My couch is covered with discarded ACU's, apparently neither needed nor wanted this time... the loveseat strewn with extra laundry he washed but did not take... My phone blips with text messages, and I jump to see if one is from him.
I remember teasing a friend when she complained she missed her husband so much that she was a bit depressed when he had been gone a week, and I swore in my independance that would never be me. HA.
UPDATE: He called as I posted this and asked me to come down for the night. No sitters available, so the girl goes too, begging to be left behind! Too last minute to make it work for an overnight for her, but next time!
June 3, 2010
The recap and recovery
We left the house around midnight, slept in the truck for an hour around 4 AM and rolled into our hotel at 6 AM. Dad and I slept for a few hours and then we walked to Disneyland.
The trip was a blast. The girl took FOREVER to figure out where we were - but once she did, she wason cloud nine. The weather was beautiful, overcast and comfortable. We beat the summer rush, so the lines were pretty short everywhere. She got to meet the princesses and get autographs. Daddy got his Goofy pirate hat (and wore it camping - hahaha). It was fun to hear the Daddy reminisce about the last trip he took there - fifteen or twenty years ago - with his sisters and their families. (Court - he thinks you were about the Girl's age). The Girl and I got to wear our buttons, proudly proclaiming us to be first time visiters.
I wasn't able to participate in everything, but it was a true joy to watch my husband and daughter wave from the top of the Matterhorn and shout my name from the top of Tarzan's tree house (I sat out on trip number two to the top). I never knew - until I was a mother - the joy that could be had from being left behind and watching your child experience independence and joy.
We stayed until they kicked us out, grabbed some late dinner on the way back to the hotel, and slept. And slept. And slept. Until past checkout time. Oops. They were pretty nice about it though - anf fortunately very forgiving.
Then off to camp. And the chaos that accompanies living out of a tent. And midnight nightmares. Of the 6-year-old variety. Screaming. In a tent. About bugs. We tried "Daddy used special no-bug medicine on your sleeping bag." "Trade pillows with mommy - there are no bugs on mine." "WAKE UP!" All to to avail.
"Did your daughter have a nightmare last night?" Yes, what was your first clue? Besides that she woke you up screaming from 3 tents away?
Poor baby. She is nightmare prone - night terrors when she was smaller, and she has the recurring "bug" nightmare - we think she gets it when she starts a growth spurt. She just doesn't feel right in her own skin and the only way she can describe it is "bugs on her."
She got to play in a "boxing tournament" - by which she means "boffer tournament" - which is the nickname we give to foam swords for the kids to use- she had a ball with the other kids and the daddies. We also got to shoot in an archery tournament together, and the MOMMY got a bull's eye! Yay me!
We made it home in one piece, and I talked Daddy into parking the truck in the backyard and going straight to bed - which left me unpacking what I could.
I am buried in suitcases, camping gear, laundry and mementos. My house looks like a hurricane hit, as I unpack, and Daddy packs to leave tonight for 3 weeks of training. My SIL just texted and invited me to visit while he is gone, but I am pretty sure the Daddy would be awfully jealous!
I promise pics a lot, but I am too tired to search for the camera right now, so give ma a few days and I will overwhelm you!
:) With love-
The Mommy
The trip was a blast. The girl took FOREVER to figure out where we were - but once she did, she wason cloud nine. The weather was beautiful, overcast and comfortable. We beat the summer rush, so the lines were pretty short everywhere. She got to meet the princesses and get autographs. Daddy got his Goofy pirate hat (and wore it camping - hahaha). It was fun to hear the Daddy reminisce about the last trip he took there - fifteen or twenty years ago - with his sisters and their families. (Court - he thinks you were about the Girl's age). The Girl and I got to wear our buttons, proudly proclaiming us to be first time visiters.
I wasn't able to participate in everything, but it was a true joy to watch my husband and daughter wave from the top of the Matterhorn and shout my name from the top of Tarzan's tree house (I sat out on trip number two to the top). I never knew - until I was a mother - the joy that could be had from being left behind and watching your child experience independence and joy.
We stayed until they kicked us out, grabbed some late dinner on the way back to the hotel, and slept. And slept. And slept. Until past checkout time. Oops. They were pretty nice about it though - anf fortunately very forgiving.
Then off to camp. And the chaos that accompanies living out of a tent. And midnight nightmares. Of the 6-year-old variety. Screaming. In a tent. About bugs. We tried "Daddy used special no-bug medicine on your sleeping bag." "Trade pillows with mommy - there are no bugs on mine." "WAKE UP!" All to to avail.
"Did your daughter have a nightmare last night?" Yes, what was your first clue? Besides that she woke you up screaming from 3 tents away?
Poor baby. She is nightmare prone - night terrors when she was smaller, and she has the recurring "bug" nightmare - we think she gets it when she starts a growth spurt. She just doesn't feel right in her own skin and the only way she can describe it is "bugs on her."
She got to play in a "boxing tournament" - by which she means "boffer tournament" - which is the nickname we give to foam swords for the kids to use- she had a ball with the other kids and the daddies. We also got to shoot in an archery tournament together, and the MOMMY got a bull's eye! Yay me!
We made it home in one piece, and I talked Daddy into parking the truck in the backyard and going straight to bed - which left me unpacking what I could.
I am buried in suitcases, camping gear, laundry and mementos. My house looks like a hurricane hit, as I unpack, and Daddy packs to leave tonight for 3 weeks of training. My SIL just texted and invited me to visit while he is gone, but I am pretty sure the Daddy would be awfully jealous!
I promise pics a lot, but I am too tired to search for the camera right now, so give ma a few days and I will overwhelm you!
:) With love-
The Mommy
May 26, 2010
Vacation!
Well, vacation is here! We leave tonight. Unless we can sneak a weekend away, this will be our only vacation this summer - not counting the family trip to scatter Twin's ashes in the mountains (I am just not sure that is goign to feel like vacation at all). We are surprising the Girl with a trip to DisneyLand tomorrow! She knows we are goin g camping with our friends this weekend, but Daddy was able to get an extra day added to his Memorial Day long-weekend, so we leave tonight when he gets home from work and tomorrow morning, we are dragging her to The Happiest Place!
This is a hard secret to keep. She can spell, so that does not help when trying to talk to other adults to make plans. I have had to lock her out of the bathroom so I could make my calls, get on-line when she is not paying attention, etc. Daddy ALMOST blew it last night, but she was so wound up she did not hear him say the D world. I even passed a note explaining exactly what I wanted to purchase to the teller at the MWR where I bought the tickets, with a smile on my face and "Please help me keep our secret," so she wouldn't think I was trying to rob her! The Girl was dancing around saying, "Give me a hint, give me hint," as the teller and I burst out laughing -- the entire office was decorated with Mickey Mouse paraphenalia! "No hints, sissy!" I replied.
Yesterday and today are errand and packing days - tires to rotate and oil to change, fill the gas tank and vacuum out the car, packing for the 2 distinct halves of our trip, a cooler to buy, and if time gets short and I still can't find the missing camp crate - a tarp, an air pump, a flashlight, stakes... The camping part is one of our historical recration events, so in addition to all the traditional camping gear, I also need to finish packing for all three of us and altering (letting out hems!) the Girl's costumes, pack both day (warm weather) and night (cool weather) costumes and real clothes...
I better go get started!!!
This is a hard secret to keep. She can spell, so that does not help when trying to talk to other adults to make plans. I have had to lock her out of the bathroom so I could make my calls, get on-line when she is not paying attention, etc. Daddy ALMOST blew it last night, but she was so wound up she did not hear him say the D world. I even passed a note explaining exactly what I wanted to purchase to the teller at the MWR where I bought the tickets, with a smile on my face and "Please help me keep our secret," so she wouldn't think I was trying to rob her! The Girl was dancing around saying, "Give me a hint, give me hint," as the teller and I burst out laughing -- the entire office was decorated with Mickey Mouse paraphenalia! "No hints, sissy!" I replied.
Yesterday and today are errand and packing days - tires to rotate and oil to change, fill the gas tank and vacuum out the car, packing for the 2 distinct halves of our trip, a cooler to buy, and if time gets short and I still can't find the missing camp crate - a tarp, an air pump, a flashlight, stakes... The camping part is one of our historical recration events, so in addition to all the traditional camping gear, I also need to finish packing for all three of us and altering (letting out hems!) the Girl's costumes, pack both day (warm weather) and night (cool weather) costumes and real clothes...
I better go get started!!!
May 20, 2010
Last day of school
Kindergarten is officially over. Today the girl got to meet her first greade teacher and spend some time in her first grade classroom. We had a promotion ceremony/performance for the Kinders on Tuesday. My girl was the letter A in "Kindergarten": "A is for the ABCs that we practiced every day," she announced with such excitement the audience cracked up. When she put on the sunglasses to sing "My Future's so Bright" and "Hit the Road Jack", I had to laugh.
But when I made eye contact with the daddy, I lost it. Tears of joy, of pride, of sentiment welled up. My baby just started Kindergarted a minute ago. And just yesterday, she was learning to walk. And the day before that, I found out I was pregnant. How does the time go so fast?!?
But when I made eye contact with the daddy, I lost it. Tears of joy, of pride, of sentiment welled up. My baby just started Kindergarted a minute ago. And just yesterday, she was learning to walk. And the day before that, I found out I was pregnant. How does the time go so fast?!?
May 18, 2010
love and gratitude
1. My husband randomly calls out "Love you" through the house, especially when I am in another room. Makes me giddy. Our daughter does it now too.
2. He also kisses random body parts as he walks by - whatever is in reach - foot, shoulder, arm... whatever is conveniently close.
3. We are planning a trip to the Happiest Place on Earth. Don't tell - it is a secret.
4. The Girl was promoted to first grade today. OH MY
5. School is out this Thursday.
6. My June conference is at a very posh resort. One of the only 5 star resorts in Arizona. Good thing neither I nor the school district has to pay for it.
7. The technology teacher had the type of video tape I need for this afternoon. No rush to the store for me and good thing, since I do not have time.
2. He also kisses random body parts as he walks by - whatever is in reach - foot, shoulder, arm... whatever is conveniently close.
3. We are planning a trip to the Happiest Place on Earth. Don't tell - it is a secret.
4. The Girl was promoted to first grade today. OH MY
5. School is out this Thursday.
6. My June conference is at a very posh resort. One of the only 5 star resorts in Arizona. Good thing neither I nor the school district has to pay for it.
7. The technology teacher had the type of video tape I need for this afternoon. No rush to the store for me and good thing, since I do not have time.
May 15, 2010
she is brilliant
Have I shared that the Girl is gifted? Duh, right, every mom thinks that. No, seriously. After repeated recommendations from other teachers, I finally requested that she be tested. Yep, scientifically speaking, she is gifted, and will be started gifted classes next fall.
My child, she pretended she could not read so that I would read to her. Nope, says her teacher, make her read - she reads for me all the time. Typical, says the gifted teacher, school comes easy, so even at her age they will take the easy way out since they don't have to work as hard to be successful. HMMMPF. We will see how often we fall for this!
Thinks outside the box all the time. Wish I could think of an example, but I actually get how her mind works, so she does not often catch me totally off guard - I can usually see the connections. But this is what made the other teachers start advising we get testing.
Today I said something about dinosaurs and cavemen while reading a story (this is a cherished part of our evening, whether she can read the book on her own or not). She rolled her eyes and told me, "mom, they never lived at the same time. maybe a caveman found a fossil or something, but that is it." Shheeeesh.
My child, she pretended she could not read so that I would read to her. Nope, says her teacher, make her read - she reads for me all the time. Typical, says the gifted teacher, school comes easy, so even at her age they will take the easy way out since they don't have to work as hard to be successful. HMMMPF. We will see how often we fall for this!
Thinks outside the box all the time. Wish I could think of an example, but I actually get how her mind works, so she does not often catch me totally off guard - I can usually see the connections. But this is what made the other teachers start advising we get testing.
Today I said something about dinosaurs and cavemen while reading a story (this is a cherished part of our evening, whether she can read the book on her own or not). She rolled her eyes and told me, "mom, they never lived at the same time. maybe a caveman found a fossil or something, but that is it." Shheeeesh.
May 10, 2010
the weekend in review
Friday afternoon started with a request from the Daddy to meet him at the RV dealership. No, we did not buy anything, but his parents did. Very nice.
Then he had to go in to work, but upon talking to the crew chief, realized he could not do alone what they needed him to do, so he started making phonecalls. Ended up that his brother was available, but we though he had his kids, so off to the in-laws I went to mind all the children, only to find out the children were not there. Home again for the girl and me, off to work until well after I was in bed went the Daddy.
Saturday, we had lunch out for Mother's Day, since I refuse to see the joy in fighting the crowds at any restuarant on Mother's Day Sunday. Then back to ohh and ah over the RV and to swim at the in-laws.
Then he had to go in to work, but upon talking to the crew chief, realized he could not do alone what they needed him to do, so he started making phonecalls. Ended up that his brother was available, but we though he had his kids, so off to the in-laws I went to mind all the children, only to find out the children were not there. Home again for the girl and me, off to work until well after I was in bed went the Daddy.
Saturday, we had lunch out for Mother's Day, since I refuse to see the joy in fighting the crowds at any restuarant on Mother's Day Sunday. Then back to ohh and ah over the RV and to swim at the in-laws.
May 6, 2010
coincidence
is it weird I got the same Mothers day card in the mail as the one I sent in the mail today?
May 4, 2010
this and that and the other
- Sitting in an assembly today, the teacher next to me starts to giggle. "What?" I ask. She points to my belly and we both watch it roll and pulsate. The polka dot dress made it especially funny.
- I was more dressed up than usual one day last week, and one of my 7th grade boys says, "Your husband is a lucky man." (Duh.) :)
- I only have to wake up on 2 more Mondays before summer break.
- I gained 5 pounds in the last 5 weeks. No way that is all baby.
- I have been asked to attend a second conference this summer. This one is paid, and in town. Child care still an issue. Why is that always the Mommy's job to figure out?
- Today is Teacher Appreciation day. I am not feeling very appreciated. Maybe free dinner at Applebees will help. Doubtful, though.
Controversy
We were weighing our options in regard to genetic testing, and whether we wanted to put ourselves through that; the rate of false positives, the risks of amnio on a healthy baby, etc. During that conversation, someone actually said to my husband and me, "It depends on if you are pro-life or pro-death." Really? I thought the one side was called pro-choice. Now, I am not here to debate politics or morality, so please, let's not (so if I can figure out how to turn off the comments, I will). However, I was very taken aback. I happen to be of a two-fold mind on this issue - one is in regard to my own morality, and one is in regard to forcing anyone else to live according to my morality. Therefore, I happen to believe morally in one position, and politically in the other. And neither is pro-death.
I personally see very few -if any - reasons that I might choose other than to take a pregnancy to term. That is my own moral viewpoint, it is what is right for me, for my family, for my views on religion and love and sex and family itself. However, I see more reasons why someone else may choose to make a different decision than I would. For all my complaining and self-pity about certain aspects of my life, for all the times I lacked self-esteem, I always was safe, I always had someone I knew loved me, I have never had to deal with the truly dark parts of this world. But I know there are women and girl who have not had that same experience and know that I could never tell them that they must choose what I would choose. "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Matthew 7:1
To call the one side "pro-life" and the other "pro-death" is to belittle the moral, spiritual, emotional and sometimes physical trauma that I think most women find themselves in if faced with this issue. Choice allows you choose. Hence the name. It allows the choice of life, which is not the equivalent of the offensive name this position was labeled. I understand the concept of opposites; but in this case - in my and just my opinion - the political sides of this issue are not opposites. I am pro-choice. For you. And pro-life. For me. The two are not mutually exclusive and my political views allow me to excercise my moral views. Hence "choice".
I personally see very few -if any - reasons that I might choose other than to take a pregnancy to term. That is my own moral viewpoint, it is what is right for me, for my family, for my views on religion and love and sex and family itself. However, I see more reasons why someone else may choose to make a different decision than I would. For all my complaining and self-pity about certain aspects of my life, for all the times I lacked self-esteem, I always was safe, I always had someone I knew loved me, I have never had to deal with the truly dark parts of this world. But I know there are women and girl who have not had that same experience and know that I could never tell them that they must choose what I would choose. "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Matthew 7:1
To call the one side "pro-life" and the other "pro-death" is to belittle the moral, spiritual, emotional and sometimes physical trauma that I think most women find themselves in if faced with this issue. Choice allows you choose. Hence the name. It allows the choice of life, which is not the equivalent of the offensive name this position was labeled. I understand the concept of opposites; but in this case - in my and just my opinion - the political sides of this issue are not opposites. I am pro-choice. For you. And pro-life. For me. The two are not mutually exclusive and my political views allow me to excercise my moral views. Hence "choice".
April 29, 2010
Baby Girl
She has a name.
She looks great on ultrasound.
We need to decide on sleeping arrangements (and I finally got to toss one of Daddy's favorite lines back at him - "I am not asking your permission, I am just asking your opinion." Response: "(grin) Fair enough!")
She is creating a hard little lump in the middle of my abdomen - no more stonach sleeping for me.
I can't wait to meet her. :)
She looks great on ultrasound.
We need to decide on sleeping arrangements (and I finally got to toss one of Daddy's favorite lines back at him - "I am not asking your permission, I am just asking your opinion." Response: "(grin) Fair enough!")
She is creating a hard little lump in the middle of my abdomen - no more stonach sleeping for me.
I can't wait to meet her. :)
April 26, 2010
A girl!
- A sister for the big Girl, for which she was fervently praying.
- The Daddy can still say "my girls," which I love. As in, "I have to get home to my girls."
- We saved everything the big Girl ever wore or played with (or had it returned if it was still wearable when her cousin out-grew it)
- Sisters can share a room easily
- Said room can remain girlie-girl
April 21, 2010
This morning, the Girl - just turned 6 - tells me that 3 times 3 is 6. I explain that 3x3 is actually 9, and why. A split second passed.
“Then 3x4 is 12.”
Yes, yes it is. What is 3x5?
“Let me think... 15.”
We went on to 2x2, 2x3 (at which point she informs me that 3x2 and 2x3 are the same thing), and so on.
Really? She counts addition problems by making dots on her homework, but can multiply in her head???
“Then 3x4 is 12.”
Yes, yes it is. What is 3x5?
“Let me think... 15.”
We went on to 2x2, 2x3 (at which point she informs me that 3x2 and 2x3 are the same thing), and so on.
Really? She counts addition problems by making dots on her homework, but can multiply in her head???
April 20, 2010
public or private
i am having a bit of an internal debate on whether to keep this public or private. it is not like strangers are dropping by (that I know of), but considering my profession, i need to be a little leary. I think I will close up again, so leave a comment or email me if you want access.
thanks
thanks
April 19, 2010
A soldier's wife
We spent the weekend at the on-post hotel where the Daddy works the occasional weekend, since we had a military Family Day to attend on Sunday. I particularly wanted to attend the morning meeting with his CO, since spouses were particularly requested to attend.
And at which we got the official (current - it will probably change) timeline for the Daddy's next deployment.
A year and a half.
From now.
He will be leaving for Iraq.
He is excited.
That is hard to hear, but makes me so proud at the same time.
I am not so excited. But I will not share that with him. Since I am sure he already knows.
Last time, he was gone a year and a half.
This time is supposed to be shorter - closer to 12 when it is all said and done.
That is still a LOOOOONNNG time.
A long scary time. I am already having bad dreams.
But it is a part of who he is. He has a need to serve in that way. I married him knowing we would likely have this to look forward to.
We have been through this before and I know we can do it again.
And at which we got the official (current - it will probably change) timeline for the Daddy's next deployment.
A year and a half.
From now.
He will be leaving for Iraq.
He is excited.
That is hard to hear, but makes me so proud at the same time.
I am not so excited. But I will not share that with him. Since I am sure he already knows.
Last time, he was gone a year and a half.
This time is supposed to be shorter - closer to 12 when it is all said and done.
That is still a LOOOOONNNG time.
A long scary time. I am already having bad dreams.
But it is a part of who he is. He has a need to serve in that way. I married him knowing we would likely have this to look forward to.
We have been through this before and I know we can do it again.
April 15, 2010
trees
I bought my husband an early Father's Day/late Anniversary gift. It counts for both, since it blew my budget. I got him a BIG tree. A 36 inch box tree - Australian Bottle Tree. It is shaped like--- you guessed it, a bottle. Tall and slender. Then he and I had to figure out how to get it into the ground. Yeah, preggo me, with a weight restriction of no more than 30 pounds, and him with ongoing back problems. But we did it. Sat on my butt and pushed with my feet while he bore all the weight of the tree itself. And its roots. And dirt. So awkward, but we make quite the team.
For my birthday, he got me a climbing rose bush, and an Apple tree. Are you sensing a trend? But how excited am I that he picked two of my favorite things? The Apple already has two small apples growing on it, and we'll probably let those two ripen but pinch of the rest this season, and maybe next, but what fun will it be to tell the kids to go outside and pick an apple to put in their lunch for school? Girl already eats her tomoatoes as fast as they turn red on the vine, so we never have any extra. Time to get the rest of my veggies in the ground, but I need to wait until Daddy gets his planting done so decisions can be made on location...
For my birthday, he got me a climbing rose bush, and an Apple tree. Are you sensing a trend? But how excited am I that he picked two of my favorite things? The Apple already has two small apples growing on it, and we'll probably let those two ripen but pinch of the rest this season, and maybe next, but what fun will it be to tell the kids to go outside and pick an apple to put in their lunch for school? Girl already eats her tomoatoes as fast as they turn red on the vine, so we never have any extra. Time to get the rest of my veggies in the ground, but I need to wait until Daddy gets his planting done so decisions can be made on location...
April 14, 2010
kicking
Well, I have been feeling flutters for a few weeks, if I am really still and lay on my side, I know there is some swimming going on in my tummy. I am at just over 4 months (almost 1/2 way!!) and I know it is early, but I felt the Girl around the same time. Little butterfly flutters and the occasional larger "roll". Daddy has been humoring me by placing his hand on my tummy... but last night he felt one of the 3 that I felt while he patiently kept his hand on my growing belly. The Girl tried later, and she "felt it, Mommy!" even though I felt nothing. Wishful thinking for her. Wait til she can sit across the room and watch my belly roll in a few months!
The month of our marriage, moths to a flame
I wrote this last month, but never published it... Here you go.
So, we were dating. It was...interesting. And lovely. And interesting. We enjoyed many of the same things. But we definitely prioritized differently. Friends were more important than relationships for him and more than once I felt let down and embarassed when he would be late because he and his friends lost track of time. I began to be kind of a nag, I admit it. That is not fun. For either of us. So, we stopped dating. Sort of. Time and again we would end up back together. Nothing official, but like moths to a flame, we both continued to be drawn in, even at times when the relationship was not the best one for either of us. You know the show Friends? Well, we are the real-life versions of Ross and Rachel. Friends, in love, friends, on a break, seeing other people, together but secretively, living together, parents together, living apart, on a break, friends, in love again, living together, and finally married. It was a long, bumpy road, and more than once, one of us or the other would throw in the towel. Enough. It was just too hard. It was not supposed to be that hard. At one time, he said this was the most dysfunctional relationship he had ever been in. He was probably right - then. But, the reality is that the path that led us here - including the heartbreak, the hurt, the confusion, the fear, was as meaningful - if much less enjoyable - part of the journey as the good parts -- of which there have been so very many. Without them, neither of us would be the spouse we are today. We fight. Like crazy sometimes. But it is funny how those fights have changed. The arguments are about stuff and situations, not about each other. They are arguments within a secure confines that divorce is not an option. Leaving is not a threat. "We are through" is not a possibility. It is safe to say what I mean, what I need, what I want... and know that I am heard - with as little defensiveness as possible.
For him, marriage changed the relationship. It became different for him. Attitudes about me, about family, all shifted into a different mode. I do not understand the difference for him. Why the word "wife" means something so wholely different than girlfriend or even fiancee. But I like the difference. It results in a whole difference for me - a better level of trust and security. A lack of fear. A confidence in him that I was unable to have before. A lack of wondering.
Had we been married in the beginning, I have no doubt we'd be one of those couples who married and divorced quickly, and made their friends shake their heads in disbelief as we dated after the divorce. Because he is it for me. All the times one of us walked away - and we both did our fair share - we were always drawn back. We share a child - now two. Contact between us would always have been a given. But we were drawn to each other, not just to her.
We are at 8 years together, just starting our life as a married couple. At the point at which you hear about the "seven-year itch", we are strong in our committment to each other, drawing together at that time marker in a relationship when many begin to pull apart.
Do I expect it to be perfect? Of course not. And we are not. He is still always late. I am still something of a nag. There are still character flaws that we both tiptoe around, and ones we acknowledge privately but choose to ignore. But we have been through the big crises. The REALLY BIG ONES. And we have come out the other end even more ready to commit our lives to each other. We know how to deal with Hell and High Water. We have already been there, done that. I know it will happen again - all marriages face times of crisis, and ours will be no exception. But we will survive. We already have.
I love him.
So, we were dating. It was...interesting. And lovely. And interesting. We enjoyed many of the same things. But we definitely prioritized differently. Friends were more important than relationships for him and more than once I felt let down and embarassed when he would be late because he and his friends lost track of time. I began to be kind of a nag, I admit it. That is not fun. For either of us. So, we stopped dating. Sort of. Time and again we would end up back together. Nothing official, but like moths to a flame, we both continued to be drawn in, even at times when the relationship was not the best one for either of us. You know the show Friends? Well, we are the real-life versions of Ross and Rachel. Friends, in love, friends, on a break, seeing other people, together but secretively, living together, parents together, living apart, on a break, friends, in love again, living together, and finally married. It was a long, bumpy road, and more than once, one of us or the other would throw in the towel. Enough. It was just too hard. It was not supposed to be that hard. At one time, he said this was the most dysfunctional relationship he had ever been in. He was probably right - then. But, the reality is that the path that led us here - including the heartbreak, the hurt, the confusion, the fear, was as meaningful - if much less enjoyable - part of the journey as the good parts -- of which there have been so very many. Without them, neither of us would be the spouse we are today. We fight. Like crazy sometimes. But it is funny how those fights have changed. The arguments are about stuff and situations, not about each other. They are arguments within a secure confines that divorce is not an option. Leaving is not a threat. "We are through" is not a possibility. It is safe to say what I mean, what I need, what I want... and know that I am heard - with as little defensiveness as possible.
For him, marriage changed the relationship. It became different for him. Attitudes about me, about family, all shifted into a different mode. I do not understand the difference for him. Why the word "wife" means something so wholely different than girlfriend or even fiancee. But I like the difference. It results in a whole difference for me - a better level of trust and security. A lack of fear. A confidence in him that I was unable to have before. A lack of wondering.
Had we been married in the beginning, I have no doubt we'd be one of those couples who married and divorced quickly, and made their friends shake their heads in disbelief as we dated after the divorce. Because he is it for me. All the times one of us walked away - and we both did our fair share - we were always drawn back. We share a child - now two. Contact between us would always have been a given. But we were drawn to each other, not just to her.
We are at 8 years together, just starting our life as a married couple. At the point at which you hear about the "seven-year itch", we are strong in our committment to each other, drawing together at that time marker in a relationship when many begin to pull apart.
Do I expect it to be perfect? Of course not. And we are not. He is still always late. I am still something of a nag. There are still character flaws that we both tiptoe around, and ones we acknowledge privately but choose to ignore. But we have been through the big crises. The REALLY BIG ONES. And we have come out the other end even more ready to commit our lives to each other. We know how to deal with Hell and High Water. We have already been there, done that. I know it will happen again - all marriages face times of crisis, and ours will be no exception. But we will survive. We already have.
I love him.
April 12, 2010
Assorted thoughts and ideas...
1. Did not want to go to work to day.
2. My plastic adjustor clip on the strap on my bra-tank-top thingy broke, so it is stabbing me. My friend wrapped duct tape around it. Better now.
3. Apparently I am going to need to file a tax extension, because we need lots of new documentation this year that I will need to compile, but did not know about.
4. There is nothing like working on a house project together to learn new things about your spouse. Try it.
5. Am an expert procrastinator. Ask me about it. I will tell you later.
6. My rice was simultaneously mushy and burnt last night. How can this happen?
7. I want to go home now.
8. :)
2. My plastic adjustor clip on the strap on my bra-tank-top thingy broke, so it is stabbing me. My friend wrapped duct tape around it. Better now.
3. Apparently I am going to need to file a tax extension, because we need lots of new documentation this year that I will need to compile, but did not know about.
4. There is nothing like working on a house project together to learn new things about your spouse. Try it.
5. Am an expert procrastinator. Ask me about it. I will tell you later.
6. My rice was simultaneously mushy and burnt last night. How can this happen?
7. I want to go home now.
8. :)
April 5, 2010
Quite the weekend, random memories of the Girl's birth
Friday, I mentioned to the school secretary that my science classes would be spending the day in 'the Habitat', which is two acres on the school grounds, containing an enclosed desert habitat, as well as a pond containing endangered fish that that some how has become my responsibilty...my boss overheard and asked if she could do my professional observation and eval during my class out there - no pressure... but it all went well, and my eval was great.
We had dinner at my in-laws, and got a chance to visit with the Daddy's aunt and cousin (and her family) in from Colorado. The Girl got to play with her second cousins? cousins once removed? I don't know - Daddy's cousin's children. We got home in time for me to hard boil some eggs to dye, and read story and crash into bed.
Update: Because I am anal about these things... I looked it up: The children were the Daddy's First Cousins, Once Removed, (because they are one generation "removed" from first cousins - the children of his first cousin) but that makes them the Girls' Second Cousins (share great-grandparents, but not grandparents). That may make them my First-Cousins-Once-Removed-In-Law, but we may be on the edge of ridiculous... Don't you feel better now?
Saturday, we had a landscape delivery, so my hubs has some BIG holes to dig today in the backyard so we can get our trees in the ground. I took the Girl to an Easter-egg hunt at church, then dropped her off at home, ran to the store for birthday presents (in my rush, got the wrong size shorts and didn't notice until she tried to put them on this morning!).
Home in time to dye easter eggs, change my clothes and comb my hair, then off to the Daddy's other cousin's wedding. It was lovely! The Girl caught the bouquet, effectively earning me a glare from the Daddy. (She is not to do that again until she is 13, he says). She ran around afterward singing "I'm a Single Lady" by Beyonce. I won a centerpiece of lucky bamboo, but most important, Daddy's cousin and friend married his best friend and they looked so happy! The Grandpa teared up watching the little cousins all play like Daddy and his cousins did when they were little, and everyone got a bit emotional thinking of the Twin. Got home in time to put the girl to bed at a reasonable time (sort of), fell asleep, and woke up in a panic with the Daddy shaking me to remind me the Easter bunny would need to come soon, and we had gifts to wrap. By the way, these types of responsibilities invariably fall on me.
7AM Sunday morning, and the Girl was up 30 minutes earlier than she was allowed to wake us, but it was an emergency! So I made her close her eyes and walked her to the bathroom, while I made sure that the Easter bunny had left everything ready-to-go, and started the coffee. She woke Daddy, camera was ready, and so was she. Easter-eggs hunts are a hoot. This is the first year she got to find real eggs instead of waiting for her cousin to arrive and hunting for plastic ones, and she did need a few hints... I taught her how to peel a boiled egg, and she liked it, except the yucky yellow. Oh well. :)
Daddy was a little aggravated that the Easter bunny brought his favorite candy for him too, but he couldn't get left out! We shared some quiet reflection on the meaning(s) of the day - Daddy cannot handle the large crowds and pure volume of Easter Sunday church service - last year he had to walk out and sit outside until the service was over, so we decided to forego in deference to his anxiety this year.
The girl opened some gifts - it was her birthday, too!- and we went out to lunch at Steakhouse - her choice, every year! We came home in time to feel the earthquake - my first one - I thought I was just pregnant-dizzy! (Neither Daddy nor I realized what was going on until we compared notes this morning after I watched the news.) We both decided to lay down - and we both think we had mild food-poisoning from the steak. :( After a quick nap, we cleaned the house, and finished just in time to greet the in-laws and cousins for a birthday party/Easter gathering for dessert - chocolate eggs, jelly beans, and ice cream cake. Life is good...
Can it really be that my baby is actually 6 years old? My little girl, who wore my socks this morning because she couldn't find her own - and they fit!!!
Can it really be that 6 years ago today I was in complete panic mode as I learned I would have to be completely sedated while they removed my ruptured gall-bladder? That I had to acknowledge that sometimes, albeit rarely, people do not wake up from anesthesia? That I had to agree to take that chance - leaving my brand new baby to head down to the OR - because otherwise I would likely die of infection eventually? That I wept from joy as I realized I was awake and could hold her in my arms? That afterward, I painfully pumped the milk from my breasts that would contained enough anesthesia that it would have poisoned my baby, and watched her daddy feed her formula from a bottle as they threw my milk away (in a hazardous waste container!).
We stayed in the maternity ward until it was safe for me to go home, and the day we were to go, we - the Girl and I - had to wait while the Daddy drove around with our friend looking for a fireman to approve his installation of the car seat (I may need to do that early this time!).
Other Random thoughts on her birth:
1. I remember very little detail, and have to ask the Daddy most details - time, weight, etc.
2. My labor was 40 hours.
3. I wore a 38 D going in, and a 44 DDD leaving. I actually needed a larger cup, but it was the biggest my mom could find.
4. I was assigned to the backseat for the ride home, as the Daddy was so nervous about her.
5. Truth is, I was assigned to the backseat until we turned her seat around, anytime we were all in the car. Again the nervous Daddy. Nevermind that I eventually drove her by myself sometimes...
6. We drove 15 miles per hour all the way home from the hospital. Literally. Nervous Daddy again.
7. I was literally one push away from a C-section - the doc was scrubbing in - when the nurse came in to say, "After 40 hours, are you really going to surgery now? You can do it!" And I did.
8. They stuck the pink bow to her head with KY jelly. Seriously.
We had dinner at my in-laws, and got a chance to visit with the Daddy's aunt and cousin (and her family) in from Colorado. The Girl got to play with her second cousins? cousins once removed? I don't know - Daddy's cousin's children. We got home in time for me to hard boil some eggs to dye, and read story and crash into bed.
Update: Because I am anal about these things... I looked it up: The children were the Daddy's First Cousins, Once Removed, (because they are one generation "removed" from first cousins - the children of his first cousin) but that makes them the Girls' Second Cousins (share great-grandparents, but not grandparents). That may make them my First-Cousins-Once-Removed-In-Law, but we may be on the edge of ridiculous... Don't you feel better now?
Saturday, we had a landscape delivery, so my hubs has some BIG holes to dig today in the backyard so we can get our trees in the ground. I took the Girl to an Easter-egg hunt at church, then dropped her off at home, ran to the store for birthday presents (in my rush, got the wrong size shorts and didn't notice until she tried to put them on this morning!).
Home in time to dye easter eggs, change my clothes and comb my hair, then off to the Daddy's other cousin's wedding. It was lovely! The Girl caught the bouquet, effectively earning me a glare from the Daddy. (She is not to do that again until she is 13, he says). She ran around afterward singing "I'm a Single Lady" by Beyonce. I won a centerpiece of lucky bamboo, but most important, Daddy's cousin and friend married his best friend and they looked so happy! The Grandpa teared up watching the little cousins all play like Daddy and his cousins did when they were little, and everyone got a bit emotional thinking of the Twin. Got home in time to put the girl to bed at a reasonable time (sort of), fell asleep, and woke up in a panic with the Daddy shaking me to remind me the Easter bunny would need to come soon, and we had gifts to wrap. By the way, these types of responsibilities invariably fall on me.
7AM Sunday morning, and the Girl was up 30 minutes earlier than she was allowed to wake us, but it was an emergency! So I made her close her eyes and walked her to the bathroom, while I made sure that the Easter bunny had left everything ready-to-go, and started the coffee. She woke Daddy, camera was ready, and so was she. Easter-eggs hunts are a hoot. This is the first year she got to find real eggs instead of waiting for her cousin to arrive and hunting for plastic ones, and she did need a few hints... I taught her how to peel a boiled egg, and she liked it, except the yucky yellow. Oh well. :)
Daddy was a little aggravated that the Easter bunny brought his favorite candy for him too, but he couldn't get left out! We shared some quiet reflection on the meaning(s) of the day - Daddy cannot handle the large crowds and pure volume of Easter Sunday church service - last year he had to walk out and sit outside until the service was over, so we decided to forego in deference to his anxiety this year.
The girl opened some gifts - it was her birthday, too!- and we went out to lunch at Steakhouse - her choice, every year! We came home in time to feel the earthquake - my first one - I thought I was just pregnant-dizzy! (Neither Daddy nor I realized what was going on until we compared notes this morning after I watched the news.) We both decided to lay down - and we both think we had mild food-poisoning from the steak. :( After a quick nap, we cleaned the house, and finished just in time to greet the in-laws and cousins for a birthday party/Easter gathering for dessert - chocolate eggs, jelly beans, and ice cream cake. Life is good...
Can it really be that my baby is actually 6 years old? My little girl, who wore my socks this morning because she couldn't find her own - and they fit!!!
Can it really be that 6 years ago today I was in complete panic mode as I learned I would have to be completely sedated while they removed my ruptured gall-bladder? That I had to acknowledge that sometimes, albeit rarely, people do not wake up from anesthesia? That I had to agree to take that chance - leaving my brand new baby to head down to the OR - because otherwise I would likely die of infection eventually? That I wept from joy as I realized I was awake and could hold her in my arms? That afterward, I painfully pumped the milk from my breasts that would contained enough anesthesia that it would have poisoned my baby, and watched her daddy feed her formula from a bottle as they threw my milk away (in a hazardous waste container!).
We stayed in the maternity ward until it was safe for me to go home, and the day we were to go, we - the Girl and I - had to wait while the Daddy drove around with our friend looking for a fireman to approve his installation of the car seat (I may need to do that early this time!).
Other Random thoughts on her birth:
1. I remember very little detail, and have to ask the Daddy most details - time, weight, etc.
2. My labor was 40 hours.
3. I wore a 38 D going in, and a 44 DDD leaving. I actually needed a larger cup, but it was the biggest my mom could find.
4. I was assigned to the backseat for the ride home, as the Daddy was so nervous about her.
5. Truth is, I was assigned to the backseat until we turned her seat around, anytime we were all in the car. Again the nervous Daddy. Nevermind that I eventually drove her by myself sometimes...
6. We drove 15 miles per hour all the way home from the hospital. Literally. Nervous Daddy again.
7. I was literally one push away from a C-section - the doc was scrubbing in - when the nurse came in to say, "After 40 hours, are you really going to surgery now? You can do it!" And I did.
8. They stuck the pink bow to her head with KY jelly. Seriously.
April 1, 2010
Cuz
I spent a good hour on the phone with my cousin last night and there was laughter and there was tears. As I asked her forgiveness for not letting go of an old issue, she showed me what compassion and forgiveness look like in reality. As she and I discussed my pregnancy, miscarriage, and pregnancy -- and her frustrated attempts to concieve, we laughed and wept together.
March 30, 2010
Conference
My boss asked me to attend a conference with her this summer, 3 1/2 days, out of town. I am honored to be asked - it is kind of a big deal.
However, that means figuring out what to do with the Girl for about 12 hours a day while I am out of town. The Daddy leaves for work around 6 and often does not get home until 6. That is 36 hours of child care to figure out. That is a lot.
This is also the first time I will ever be away from my girl for that long. Ever.
The first time I leave the Daddy in charge overnight.
Not that I have any worries about him being able to handle it. He will be fine.
3 days of worrying, 3 days of adult-only company. What a novelty.
However, that means figuring out what to do with the Girl for about 12 hours a day while I am out of town. The Daddy leaves for work around 6 and often does not get home until 6. That is 36 hours of child care to figure out. That is a lot.
This is also the first time I will ever be away from my girl for that long. Ever.
The first time I leave the Daddy in charge overnight.
Not that I have any worries about him being able to handle it. He will be fine.
3 days of worrying, 3 days of adult-only company. What a novelty.
March 23, 2010
Out of the mouths of babes
"Daddy is your 'husband'. And you are his 'life'." - The Girl, Age 5
Yep, you got that right. :)
Yep, you got that right. :)
March 22, 2010
the Hubs
I just love him.
No, life is not perfect. But I just love him.
I love his ridiculous collection of pots and planters that sit empty until I put something in them.
I love snuggling with him for a mid-afternoon nap.
I love how much he appreciates any meal I concoct. And I am full of concoctions.
I love his dreams- realized, partially-realized, not yet realized.
I love the part of him that obsesses over his family.
I love the part of him that obsesses over our family.
I love that he encourages me to pursue my dreams. And that he does not judge me if I put one off.
I love that he does not equate my lack of interest in housekeeping with a lack of love.
I love the grin he gets when we talk about our growing family.
I love overhearing him talk about "my wife" or "my girls".
I love how he humors my need to grow things - people, plants and otherwise.
I love how seriously he takes my career.
I love how he does things - like watch college sports - just to having something else to bond with my dad & stepmom about.
I love how he collects things, then spontaneously agrees to part with these random objects that build up.
I love that his enormous tie collection is not exactly sorted by color.
I love that he grinned and set it up when the Girl requested "wine" (apple juice) and a candle for her bubble bath. (That is my girl!).
I love that he is the last one to request to hold someone else's baby, but that he is so clearly satisfied by it when his turn comes.
I love that he texts me all day long with love messages and gives me ETAs until he will see me again.
I love that he loves his mother, probably more than anyone else in the world does. And he makes sure she knows.
I love that he kisses me good bye, every time, and hello, every time.
I love that his favorite spot to sit is next to me on the couch, head on my lap.
No, life is not perfect. But I just love him.
I love his ridiculous collection of pots and planters that sit empty until I put something in them.
I love snuggling with him for a mid-afternoon nap.
I love how much he appreciates any meal I concoct. And I am full of concoctions.
I love his dreams- realized, partially-realized, not yet realized.
I love the part of him that obsesses over his family.
I love the part of him that obsesses over our family.
I love that he encourages me to pursue my dreams. And that he does not judge me if I put one off.
I love that he does not equate my lack of interest in housekeeping with a lack of love.
I love the grin he gets when we talk about our growing family.
I love overhearing him talk about "my wife" or "my girls".
I love how he humors my need to grow things - people, plants and otherwise.
I love how seriously he takes my career.
I love how he does things - like watch college sports - just to having something else to bond with my dad & stepmom about.
I love how he collects things, then spontaneously agrees to part with these random objects that build up.
I love that his enormous tie collection is not exactly sorted by color.
I love that he grinned and set it up when the Girl requested "wine" (apple juice) and a candle for her bubble bath. (That is my girl!).
I love that he is the last one to request to hold someone else's baby, but that he is so clearly satisfied by it when his turn comes.
I love that he texts me all day long with love messages and gives me ETAs until he will see me again.
I love that he loves his mother, probably more than anyone else in the world does. And he makes sure she knows.
I love that he kisses me good bye, every time, and hello, every time.
I love that his favorite spot to sit is next to me on the couch, head on my lap.
March 12, 2010
Family
Yesterday, I recieved a text from my sister in law, checking in and sharing a bad moment. I got a chance to call her several hours later to see how she was doing. This is a woman most of my readers here know, but I do not know her well. Distance has provided few opportunities to spend any time really getting to know each other. Twin's recent illness caused her to visit and we were blessed to have the space to offer hospitality. In crisis, some draw apart, others draw together. There were few private moments to spend together, but those we did were very powerful.
One morning, we were driving down the road together and she asked me about my family, I think out of politeness and general kindness. Little did she know what a can of worms that is. I do not know what is happening, but I am the only imperferct member of my family. Just ask them. Mom and I have been drifting apart and I have tried to reach out to close the gap. I own my part of the incident that started the drift, but I can't accept all of the blame, and I have been trying to do my part to fix it. Phone calls were let go to voicemail, called were not returned until days later. It got bad enough that the Daddy and I had to laugh, or else I would cry -- "I called my mom today." "Did she answer?" "Nope, voicemail on both phones. How long do you think it will take to get a call back this time?"
But I am a GDLiar. Just ask her. She never did not answer a phone call from me. She never waited days to call me back. Truth is, she actually never even initiated a phone call at all until Twin passed away, and not again since . I suggested she call my husband if she was unwilling to hear what I had to say, but that is neither here nor there, becuase she won't. Nor is it actually part of the story, but dang I needed to vent.
Seriously, imagine your mom. If your mom is the PTO, cookie-baking, nesting, nurturing type, that is the same mom I would have described to you 4 months ago. What the heck?? I must be a horrible person to earn this treatment.
OK, tangent aside, back to my sister in law. I called her on a difficult day for her to check in and see if she needed a shoulder to vent upon. She had heard it all about my mom during her visit during that car ride. Every suggested she made as a mother and as a daughter, I was honestly able to say I had tried. I am dedicated to keeping the lines of communication open. I am dedicated to maintaining my daughter's relationship with Mom as a positive one.
As SIL and I began to talk, she asked me if there had been any improvements to the situation. I laughed and shared briefly that, no, if anything things were worse. Remember, I had called her to see how I could help her. She began to ask more questions and would not let me change the subject. Interestingly, and irrelevantly, due to my Mom's age when I was born, the age gap between the Daddy and his sister, and the age gap between the Daddy and me, SIL and Mom are only 5 years apart in age.
As we discussed the situation, she asked some questions and then she said some things I really needed to hear.
I am tired of being the one who is disposible. I was given away at the age of two by the people who promised my father they'd take care of me. The man who raised me disowned me at the age of 21. I have 2 older natural sisters, raised separately, neither of whom is interested. My younger sister can't be bothered. Now my mother? Seriously? Seriously?? I know, it totally must be me. I am the common denominator.
It was so wonderful to have some outside perspective, someone who cares enough to take the time to say some of the things I need to hear, and who I think is able to be relatively objective about the situation.
I really needed that.
One morning, we were driving down the road together and she asked me about my family, I think out of politeness and general kindness. Little did she know what a can of worms that is. I do not know what is happening, but I am the only imperferct member of my family. Just ask them. Mom and I have been drifting apart and I have tried to reach out to close the gap. I own my part of the incident that started the drift, but I can't accept all of the blame, and I have been trying to do my part to fix it. Phone calls were let go to voicemail, called were not returned until days later. It got bad enough that the Daddy and I had to laugh, or else I would cry -- "I called my mom today." "Did she answer?" "Nope, voicemail on both phones. How long do you think it will take to get a call back this time?"
But I am a GDLiar. Just ask her. She never did not answer a phone call from me. She never waited days to call me back. Truth is, she actually never even initiated a phone call at all until Twin passed away, and not again since . I suggested she call my husband if she was unwilling to hear what I had to say, but that is neither here nor there, becuase she won't. Nor is it actually part of the story, but dang I needed to vent.
Seriously, imagine your mom. If your mom is the PTO, cookie-baking, nesting, nurturing type, that is the same mom I would have described to you 4 months ago. What the heck?? I must be a horrible person to earn this treatment.
OK, tangent aside, back to my sister in law. I called her on a difficult day for her to check in and see if she needed a shoulder to vent upon. She had heard it all about my mom during her visit during that car ride. Every suggested she made as a mother and as a daughter, I was honestly able to say I had tried. I am dedicated to keeping the lines of communication open. I am dedicated to maintaining my daughter's relationship with Mom as a positive one.
As SIL and I began to talk, she asked me if there had been any improvements to the situation. I laughed and shared briefly that, no, if anything things were worse. Remember, I had called her to see how I could help her. She began to ask more questions and would not let me change the subject. Interestingly, and irrelevantly, due to my Mom's age when I was born, the age gap between the Daddy and his sister, and the age gap between the Daddy and me, SIL and Mom are only 5 years apart in age.
As we discussed the situation, she asked some questions and then she said some things I really needed to hear.
"You know you are not responsible for her choices?"
"You know you are doing everything you can?"
"You know no one has the right to talk to you that way?"
"You know you always should be able to ask for what you need, especially from your parents?"
"You know you have the right to your feelings, and you have to acknowledge them to yourself?"
"You do know that you know your truth, no matter who says you are wrong?"
"You know you do not deserve this?"
I am tired of being the one who is disposible. I was given away at the age of two by the people who promised my father they'd take care of me. The man who raised me disowned me at the age of 21. I have 2 older natural sisters, raised separately, neither of whom is interested. My younger sister can't be bothered. Now my mother? Seriously? Seriously?? I know, it totally must be me. I am the common denominator.
It was so wonderful to have some outside perspective, someone who cares enough to take the time to say some of the things I need to hear, and who I think is able to be relatively objective about the situation.
I really needed that.
March 10, 2010
behavior?
Someone shared with us recently that his 5 year-old daughter got into a fist fight at school. He was appalled and frustrated and more than a little embarassed due to his own profession and reputation.
When the Daddy shared the story with me, I had a moment of "thank heavens, not my kid". If you know us, you know that Our Girl has had her own issues with behavior. She has been doing much better lately, but life has not been easy at our house. I am preggo - tired all the time, Daddy is still struggling with the loss of his brother, and we have accepted some financial burdens that make our budget tighter than we would like. I know she is not getting the attention she deserves, and if she is not getting enough positive attention, she goes right for the negative. Our extended family has not had time to spend with her lately either, and she is feeing more than a little deprived. She is getting into trouble at school again - sassy, disobedient.
Just as Daddy told our friend, I know we cannot make her choices for her, and no matter how much guidance you give, kids will sometimes make bad choices. But seriously. We all need to step it up a notch and do better at home to give her what she needs in the way of positive attention so she can stop with the megative-attention grabbing behavior.
And in the slightly random side:
When the Daddy shared the story with me, I had a moment of "thank heavens, not my kid". If you know us, you know that Our Girl has had her own issues with behavior. She has been doing much better lately, but life has not been easy at our house. I am preggo - tired all the time, Daddy is still struggling with the loss of his brother, and we have accepted some financial burdens that make our budget tighter than we would like. I know she is not getting the attention she deserves, and if she is not getting enough positive attention, she goes right for the negative. Our extended family has not had time to spend with her lately either, and she is feeing more than a little deprived. She is getting into trouble at school again - sassy, disobedient.
Just as Daddy told our friend, I know we cannot make her choices for her, and no matter how much guidance you give, kids will sometimes make bad choices. But seriously. We all need to step it up a notch and do better at home to give her what she needs in the way of positive attention so she can stop with the megative-attention grabbing behavior.
And in the slightly random side:
- I am in the midst of a jelly bean binge.
- My brother asked me to be godmother to his son. He asked me this past Monday; the baptism is Sunday... 3000 miles away. Not going to make it. But I am so honored.
- I hate cashews.
- I won a gift card to the movies and CANNOT wait to go. I love the movies, but I almost never go.
- Either I looked especially fat yesterday or my baby bump has appeared - I had several comments.
- The Daddy noticed the bump on Saturday morning. So I am going with not fat.
- My wedding anniversary is Sunday. My husband will be out of town. Awesome.
March 4, 2010
the month of our marriage 4
Last night we got a new ultrasound pick. Everything looks good and my baby now LOOKS like a baby. a tiny 2-inch tall baby. I was so busy staring at the screen watching him/her turn flips, look right at the "camera", pose for the perfect profile shot that the Daddy had to call my name 3 times before I heard him to turn my head for a kiss. (Nice clear view of the umbilical cord too, so I pointed it out to the Girl who is fascinated with all things baby right now).
Daddy and I have done this before. The Girl was there, then, too. :) I remember being frightened, anxious, excited, and passionately in love with her already. The Daddy, I was not so sure some days, but he came around. (Just kidding). Seriously, I think, like most men I have talked to, the "big ultrasound" was the moment Daddy came around and everything became more real.
What a wonderful time for our family this is.
Daddy and I have done this before. The Girl was there, then, too. :) I remember being frightened, anxious, excited, and passionately in love with her already. The Daddy, I was not so sure some days, but he came around. (Just kidding). Seriously, I think, like most men I have talked to, the "big ultrasound" was the moment Daddy came around and everything became more real.
What a wonderful time for our family this is.
March 3, 2010
the month of our marriage 3
I asked the Daddy if I was remembering the right order of our first few dates and he says I am wrong. He is probably right, he has a much better memory for these things. However...
According to him, we went together to an event for the first time (does that make it a date?) to a swimming party with some friends. At which, according to him, I wore a red swimsuit. (I have never owned a red swimsuit in my adult life). I do remember some details he brought up, but I think he has this out of order and crossed with some other outing with a previous girl. Since if he had already seen me in a suit, I would not have been anxious about the hot tub outing.
We do agree that one of our earliest dates was a late-night outing to the park near his condo (the condo which would eventually be our first home together - the home to which we brought the Girl from the hospital). We were out with friends that afternoon, and weren't ready to say good-night when we got near home. So we pulled into the park and and went for a walk by the lake. We found a cozy hillside and sat and just got to know each other better. At some point, his head ended up on my lap. We both fell asleep a little, I think. I also think that is when I started to fall in love a little. That this man had this gentle, nature-loving, walk-in-the-park at midnight soul.
According to him, we went together to an event for the first time (does that make it a date?) to a swimming party with some friends. At which, according to him, I wore a red swimsuit. (I have never owned a red swimsuit in my adult life). I do remember some details he brought up, but I think he has this out of order and crossed with some other outing with a previous girl. Since if he had already seen me in a suit, I would not have been anxious about the hot tub outing.
We do agree that one of our earliest dates was a late-night outing to the park near his condo (the condo which would eventually be our first home together - the home to which we brought the Girl from the hospital). We were out with friends that afternoon, and weren't ready to say good-night when we got near home. So we pulled into the park and and went for a walk by the lake. We found a cozy hillside and sat and just got to know each other better. At some point, his head ended up on my lap. We both fell asleep a little, I think. I also think that is when I started to fall in love a little. That this man had this gentle, nature-loving, walk-in-the-park at midnight soul.
March 2, 2010
The month of our marriage, pt. 2
He FINALLY asked me out on a date. It actually did not take long after the guy dinner, but in girl time, it was too long. But we were kinda quiet about it, because of the whole circle of friends thing and what if it got weird?
The first part of this story would not have happened if he had been on time.
While I was stewing over him being late, a guy called. A guy who wanted to continue dating and refused to understand I was not interested. I took the call. After all, I was dressed, made up, tapping my foot, and there was a chance it was TONIGHT'S DATE calling to apologize for running late. It wasn't and the conversation turned emotional (on his end) just as I (finally!)hear a knock on the door. Feeling sorry for bachelor #2, I let bachelor number 1 in and asked for just a minute to finish my call. I handed him the remote and I slipped into the other room. It was a long minute, and he finally yelled that he was going to go since I was busy. Seriously? You were late. Have patience. I am worth it!
Yeah, off to a great start. Points to both of us for a lame beginning.
So we went to dinner, I can't remember where - chinese, maybe? - then he asked me if I felt like sitting in the hot tub and hanging out. Yah right. In my bathing suit? With this amazing body. You must be kidding me. He said something like, I asked you out right? So I must like how you look. Besides, if this works out, I'll see you in your suit EVENTUALLY so let's just relax shall we?
Actually, he is kind of a bad-boy (ooooohhhhh shivers!), so it was not as sweet as that... I am sure he said I was hot... but whatever it was - and I do actually remember, verbatim, and it still makes me blush a little - it worked. Some conversations are for quoting and some are for cherishing. This is a cherishing one. :) I agreed and put on my suit.
Except the hot-tub was locked. And my key did not work. After all that. Hmmmpf. So, back to my apartment, hanging out, getting to know each other, smooching on the couch a bit... It was a lame start, but it sure picked up from there... and he asked me out again, so it must have been OK with him after all.
The first part of this story would not have happened if he had been on time.
While I was stewing over him being late, a guy called. A guy who wanted to continue dating and refused to understand I was not interested. I took the call. After all, I was dressed, made up, tapping my foot, and there was a chance it was TONIGHT'S DATE calling to apologize for running late. It wasn't and the conversation turned emotional (on his end) just as I (finally!)hear a knock on the door. Feeling sorry for bachelor #2, I let bachelor number 1 in and asked for just a minute to finish my call. I handed him the remote and I slipped into the other room. It was a long minute, and he finally yelled that he was going to go since I was busy. Seriously? You were late. Have patience. I am worth it!
Yeah, off to a great start. Points to both of us for a lame beginning.
So we went to dinner, I can't remember where - chinese, maybe? - then he asked me if I felt like sitting in the hot tub and hanging out. Yah right. In my bathing suit? With this amazing body. You must be kidding me. He said something like, I asked you out right? So I must like how you look. Besides, if this works out, I'll see you in your suit EVENTUALLY so let's just relax shall we?
Actually, he is kind of a bad-boy (ooooohhhhh shivers!), so it was not as sweet as that... I am sure he said I was hot... but whatever it was - and I do actually remember, verbatim, and it still makes me blush a little - it worked. Some conversations are for quoting and some are for cherishing. This is a cherishing one. :) I agreed and put on my suit.
Except the hot-tub was locked. And my key did not work. After all that. Hmmmpf. So, back to my apartment, hanging out, getting to know each other, smooching on the couch a bit... It was a lame start, but it sure picked up from there... and he asked me out again, so it must have been OK with him after all.
March 1, 2010
The month of our marriage
March. Last year, I was in false-calm mode as we approached the wedding in 2 weeks. Everything not-last-minute was done. Except the DJ. That was HIS job. I ended up taking care of it.
But that is neither here nor there.
March. We got married in March. Now, I am no Pioneer Woman, no Black Heels to Tractor Wheels here, but here is our story - at least highlights -
We met. We don't know exactly when, because we met through mutual friends. We know where - swordfighting park, between 8-9 years ago. I remember thinking his friend was cute, so I went up to them to say hi. (I really don't think his friend is actually that cute anymore, but the Daddy sure is hunky). I asked the two of them to join my army so that my BMF and I could be King and Queen (long story). (The BMF was, at the time, my ultimate epitome of manliness, and this pretend King Queen thing in our swordfighting club was as close as we would ever get to any sort of romance, as he was about to asked his GF to elope. Bummer. But I love them both to death, so it all turned out all right. Besides, everyone needs one really good unrequited-love-story to make the real thing that much better.) But back to the story. The Daddy said no, he already promised someone else to fight for them. But he did fall on his sword for me. Good man. But still, not dating yet.
Fast forward. A few "business" phone calls, nothing personal. Then one day, I felt like calling, but felt that was too forward to just call him up. So, I came up with a most excellent cover story.
"Um, Hi. I have this message from you but my voicemail is not working right, so I don't know if it is old or new. So I am just calling to see." Stop talking. Just stop talking. By the way, did I mention to you, readers, there is this other guy that thinks we are dating, but I think we are not. Long story. Not the Daddy. A different guy. This will be relevant later.
"No, that must be an old message. Haven't called you recently."
"Oh. Sorry." S***! Now what do I say?
"But hey, if you ever just want to call me, it is ok. You don't have to make up a story next time." Busted. What do I say? What do I SAY? WHAT DO I SAY?
So I laugh. I am super cool, obviously. "Ok. So, what are you up to?"
"Dinner with ***" (Previously mentioned used-to-think-he-was-cute friend.) "Wanna come? It is just me and the guys."
Yay. My super-lame-so-let's-be friends-overture worked and after this dinner with his guy friends, which is apparently rather a rare thing to invite a GIRL to come to...and then the Daddy starts calling me at home. No date yet. But no one ever said that "super-obvious" doesn't work better than subtle. Also, I never really claimed to be other-than-a-dork. :)
NOTE: We talked about this last night, and he still laughed that I used that lame line about the messages. :) What a man.
But that is neither here nor there.
March. We got married in March. Now, I am no Pioneer Woman, no Black Heels to Tractor Wheels here, but here is our story - at least highlights -
We met. We don't know exactly when, because we met through mutual friends. We know where - swordfighting park, between 8-9 years ago. I remember thinking his friend was cute, so I went up to them to say hi. (I really don't think his friend is actually that cute anymore, but the Daddy sure is hunky). I asked the two of them to join my army so that my BMF and I could be King and Queen (long story). (The BMF was, at the time, my ultimate epitome of manliness, and this pretend King Queen thing in our swordfighting club was as close as we would ever get to any sort of romance, as he was about to asked his GF to elope. Bummer. But I love them both to death, so it all turned out all right. Besides, everyone needs one really good unrequited-love-story to make the real thing that much better.) But back to the story. The Daddy said no, he already promised someone else to fight for them. But he did fall on his sword for me. Good man. But still, not dating yet.
Fast forward. A few "business" phone calls, nothing personal. Then one day, I felt like calling, but felt that was too forward to just call him up. So, I came up with a most excellent cover story.
"Um, Hi. I have this message from you but my voicemail is not working right, so I don't know if it is old or new. So I am just calling to see." Stop talking. Just stop talking. By the way, did I mention to you, readers, there is this other guy that thinks we are dating, but I think we are not. Long story. Not the Daddy. A different guy. This will be relevant later.
"No, that must be an old message. Haven't called you recently."
"Oh. Sorry." S***! Now what do I say?
"But hey, if you ever just want to call me, it is ok. You don't have to make up a story next time." Busted. What do I say? What do I SAY? WHAT DO I SAY?
So I laugh. I am super cool, obviously. "Ok. So, what are you up to?"
"Dinner with ***" (Previously mentioned used-to-think-he-was-cute friend.) "Wanna come? It is just me and the guys."
Yay. My super-lame-so-let's-be friends-overture worked and after this dinner with his guy friends, which is apparently rather a rare thing to invite a GIRL to come to...and then the Daddy starts calling me at home. No date yet. But no one ever said that "super-obvious" doesn't work better than subtle. Also, I never really claimed to be other-than-a-dork. :)
NOTE: We talked about this last night, and he still laughed that I used that lame line about the messages. :) What a man.
The first friend phone call AKA glimpse into the future
The Girl got her first phone call from a school friend yesterday. She had called earlier to leave a message:
Hi, (friend), it is (the Girl). My mom's phone number is (***). I forget what we are wearing for twins day. If you remember, call me back. My mom's phone number is (***). If you don't remember, call me so we can make a new arrangement. My mom's phone number is (***). Ok. Just call me anytime. This is (the Girl). My mom's phone number is (***). My dad's phone number is (***). Ok. Bye.
20 minutes or so, and the friend calls back. HAHAHA Clearly not a frequent phone user, because me answering REALLY flustered her and she had to put her Grandma on. She and the Girl talked about 20 minutes, standing in their closets, planning the wardrobe. The Girl hung up and called her back. Another long conversation.
Let's talk about our families.
Let's talk about our pets.
Let's talk about our back-yards.
I finally (good grief, already?) had to tell my Girl to get off the phone, it had been a long enough conversation.
Mom, I forget to tell her something, can I call her back?
No, honey, let her have family time.
Ring Ring. This is (friend). Is (the Girl) there? I forgot to tell her something.
Good heavens. They are 5 going on 13.
PS. the other girl forgot to dress up the next day. LMAO
Hi, (friend), it is (the Girl). My mom's phone number is (***). I forget what we are wearing for twins day. If you remember, call me back. My mom's phone number is (***). If you don't remember, call me so we can make a new arrangement. My mom's phone number is (***). Ok. Just call me anytime. This is (the Girl). My mom's phone number is (***). My dad's phone number is (***). Ok. Bye.
20 minutes or so, and the friend calls back. HAHAHA Clearly not a frequent phone user, because me answering REALLY flustered her and she had to put her Grandma on. She and the Girl talked about 20 minutes, standing in their closets, planning the wardrobe. The Girl hung up and called her back. Another long conversation.
Let's talk about our families.
Let's talk about our pets.
Let's talk about our back-yards.
I finally (good grief, already?) had to tell my Girl to get off the phone, it had been a long enough conversation.
Mom, I forget to tell her something, can I call her back?
No, honey, let her have family time.
Ring Ring. This is (friend). Is (the Girl) there? I forgot to tell her something.
Good heavens. They are 5 going on 13.
PS. the other girl forgot to dress up the next day. LMAO
February 26, 2010
Really? Germany?
Lets move there. Says the daddy.
OK. I reply. Or Italy?
OK. When?
Either before I am too pregnant to move or right after the baby comes. You going active duty?
Maybe. Can we go to Alaska first?
Random. But sure. June?
Either that or I go without you. Answers the Daddy.
HAHA. To visit MY cousin, whom you've never met?
She did send the invitation to *my* email.
Touche. Alrighty then. Make a plan.
I love you.
MMMM HMMMMMMMM. me too.
OK. I reply. Or Italy?
OK. When?
Either before I am too pregnant to move or right after the baby comes. You going active duty?
Maybe. Can we go to Alaska first?
Random. But sure. June?
Either that or I go without you. Answers the Daddy.
HAHA. To visit MY cousin, whom you've never met?
She did send the invitation to *my* email.
Touche. Alrighty then. Make a plan.
I love you.
MMMM HMMMMMMMM. me too.
February 24, 2010
10 down, 30 to go.
My littlest is ten weeks old. Also not born yet. I am ten weeks and one day pregnant (officially). That may change at my next ultrasound, since I was not tracking my cycles, having been on birthcontrol until November, and not thinking that conception would happen in December, Doc is judging by size and development.
10 weeks means - in theory, at least - 2 more of this miserable sickness and into the feeling good part of all this! I loved being pregnant the first time - the second trimester was wonderful - I felt great all of the time. I am ready to feel great again. The dr gave me a script for the morning sickness, so hopefully that will help me make it a little longer.
However, there is a stink in my fridge. Left-over lasagna and enchiladas - even covered!, plus last night's indian food in a take-out box make for the mama gagging and holding my breath to grab the jelly and the juice box to make the Girl's lunch today. There are not enough boxes of baking soda in the world to cure this particular stink. Gross.
10 weeks means - in theory, at least - 2 more of this miserable sickness and into the feeling good part of all this! I loved being pregnant the first time - the second trimester was wonderful - I felt great all of the time. I am ready to feel great again. The dr gave me a script for the morning sickness, so hopefully that will help me make it a little longer.
However, there is a stink in my fridge. Left-over lasagna and enchiladas - even covered!, plus last night's indian food in a take-out box make for the mama gagging and holding my breath to grab the jelly and the juice box to make the Girl's lunch today. There are not enough boxes of baking soda in the world to cure this particular stink. Gross.
February 17, 2010
Grief & strength
Everyone deal with grief in their own way. I get that. But when grief turns to anger and is misdirected, it just spells U_G_L_Y. Yep, all in caps.
As my husband and I lay in bed last night and talked about how we feel about the day's goings on, as he shared his fears and his dreams and his worries, I found myself commenting on where we are. As things fall apart around us, as relationships are pushed to the edge, as we watch friends and family torn up and torn apart, I marvel that is is us that are holding together. I would not have said either of us are at our best in a crisis. But I am surprised at how we have meshed our gifts. When I fall apart, he provides the strength our little family needs to stay together. This week, his turn to need to borrow some strength and I have been able to provide for him. We vowed "for better and for worse, in good times and in bad". Well, this is one of those worse, bad times. And we are surviving it. As I shared my thoughts, and said to him, "Through 8 years, through the times we never thought we'd make it, through the most difficult days we have gone through, the times we have caused each other such pain, did you ever imagine we would be this couple? The ones, out of all the crisis we see around us, that we are standing strong together?? I never imagined this." And he turned to me, and pulled me close and said, "Gee, Baby, you sure know how to sweet talk a guy." Yeah, I guess the words did not express my true feeling, but I think he understood.
As my husband and I lay in bed last night and talked about how we feel about the day's goings on, as he shared his fears and his dreams and his worries, I found myself commenting on where we are. As things fall apart around us, as relationships are pushed to the edge, as we watch friends and family torn up and torn apart, I marvel that is is us that are holding together. I would not have said either of us are at our best in a crisis. But I am surprised at how we have meshed our gifts. When I fall apart, he provides the strength our little family needs to stay together. This week, his turn to need to borrow some strength and I have been able to provide for him. We vowed "for better and for worse, in good times and in bad". Well, this is one of those worse, bad times. And we are surviving it. As I shared my thoughts, and said to him, "Through 8 years, through the times we never thought we'd make it, through the most difficult days we have gone through, the times we have caused each other such pain, did you ever imagine we would be this couple? The ones, out of all the crisis we see around us, that we are standing strong together?? I never imagined this." And he turned to me, and pulled me close and said, "Gee, Baby, you sure know how to sweet talk a guy." Yeah, I guess the words did not express my true feeling, but I think he understood.
February 16, 2010
commenting and peeves
So, I think it is funny that most of the 2.5 people who actually read this send me facebook inbox messages about my blog but don't comment here. It amuses me. :)
I also think that I love talking to people who agree with me. Especially when they say, "You said what I wanted to say, but didn't know how." Because usually when I talk, especially about something I feel strongly about, I spend 5 seconds speaking my mind and the next 5 minutes trying to crow-bar my foot out of my mouth. I don't mind talking to people who disagree with me, but I sure do hate when people lie or misconstrue what I have said . Just saying. I also hate false apologies. Neither here nor there, but just something that popped in to my head.
Ok, enough . Later.
I also think that I love talking to people who agree with me. Especially when they say, "You said what I wanted to say, but didn't know how." Because usually when I talk, especially about something I feel strongly about, I spend 5 seconds speaking my mind and the next 5 minutes trying to crow-bar my foot out of my mouth. I don't mind talking to people who disagree with me, but I sure do hate when people lie or misconstrue what I have said . Just saying. I also hate false apologies. Neither here nor there, but just something that popped in to my head.
Ok, enough . Later.
February 8, 2010
The Circle of Life
The secret is out; yes I am pregnant. YAY us. We are due September 21. This has been a difficult month as we waited and did testing, and tried to keep the secret. You see, now that the news is out, we have also been able to tell those that did not know already that we had a miscarriage in early November. Some of my earlier posts may make more sense now. It was early on, and my body recovered quickly (obviously). But we had been so filled with Joy that all we did was laugh and giggle and tease each other about how fertile the Daddy must be that this was our second baby that we were suprised by (I was on birth control both times). We told the Girl we had a baby coming. And then we had to tell her we didn't.
We acknowledge that I am old, fertility-wise. We are aware that the older a woman is, the older her eggs are, and that something was wrong, and the was God's way of taking care of me, of us. But that did not mean we did not mourn. And in the midst of our mourning, we decided to stop all precautions and let God give us a baby when He was ready.
We just did not think He - or my body - would be ready so soon.
We found out that we were pregnant the same day we found out that Daddy's twin brother's time on earth was drawing to a close sooner than we thought. This has been a different first month of knowing, as we alternate emotions. We are not any less thrilled and happy about this pregnancy, but the emotional roller coaster is hard on us, especially the Daddy. He is happy enough that he told his Twin right away and the Twin asked for and saw the ultrasound before the Daddy held it in his hand. (Daddy saw an electronic version earlier that day). Long before anyone else in the family knew.
We are overjoyed and we are devastated. We are wildly excited and looking at each new day with dread that it may likely be the Twin's last day. As I desperately try to sleep off the around-the-clock nausea, the Daddy tries desperately not to close his eyes as he sits with the Twin all night long.
I hold my husband in my arms as he weeps and know that I cannot take his pain. While he weeps that he cannot take the pain from his brother.
The Girl spilled the beans a few days ago, and the reaction of the gathered family was lovely. As we stood in the hallway, taking turns visiting the Twin, hope pushed aside some of the despair. Faces that have struggled to find smiles lately gathered close in congratulations and hope. Daddy's oldest sister squeezed me hard when I whispered, "We didn't mean to tell everyone quite like this," and replied, "It is good news. It is the circle of life."
We acknowledge that I am old, fertility-wise. We are aware that the older a woman is, the older her eggs are, and that something was wrong, and the was God's way of taking care of me, of us. But that did not mean we did not mourn. And in the midst of our mourning, we decided to stop all precautions and let God give us a baby when He was ready.
We just did not think He - or my body - would be ready so soon.
We found out that we were pregnant the same day we found out that Daddy's twin brother's time on earth was drawing to a close sooner than we thought. This has been a different first month of knowing, as we alternate emotions. We are not any less thrilled and happy about this pregnancy, but the emotional roller coaster is hard on us, especially the Daddy. He is happy enough that he told his Twin right away and the Twin asked for and saw the ultrasound before the Daddy held it in his hand. (Daddy saw an electronic version earlier that day). Long before anyone else in the family knew.
We are overjoyed and we are devastated. We are wildly excited and looking at each new day with dread that it may likely be the Twin's last day. As I desperately try to sleep off the around-the-clock nausea, the Daddy tries desperately not to close his eyes as he sits with the Twin all night long.
I hold my husband in my arms as he weeps and know that I cannot take his pain. While he weeps that he cannot take the pain from his brother.
The Girl spilled the beans a few days ago, and the reaction of the gathered family was lovely. As we stood in the hallway, taking turns visiting the Twin, hope pushed aside some of the despair. Faces that have struggled to find smiles lately gathered close in congratulations and hope. Daddy's oldest sister squeezed me hard when I whispered, "We didn't mean to tell everyone quite like this," and replied, "It is good news. It is the circle of life."
January 26, 2010
State of Emergency
This morning the Daddy called. Seems the State Emergency Plan cannot function without him and he is activated until further notice. How long? No one is sure, estimate is 10 days. or 7. or 14. Or maybe more. He grabbed lunch with me and we checked the girl out of school so that at least she could see him before he left. Did I mention that he checked her out of class for 15 minutes yesterday morning - which is the first time she had seen him in a week??? That we reassured her she and Daddy could do something special this evening for dinner? That we PROMISED??? She was sobbing today when we were driving to Burger King to meet him. With his twin in the hospital and my life generally off-kilter, this is the worst possible time for him to be gone and he teared up as he begged me to make sure he got timely information about the Uncle. Rumors at work about 5% pay cuts and possible lay-offs again if the state passes the current incarnation of the budget. Sigh.
I need a vacation from my life.
Update:
After frantically running around gathering his cold-weather gear, trying to catch up with us for lunch, driving 2 hours south to pick up the equipment, driving 4 hours north to the mission site… as soon as they arrived, his mission got cancelled… so they turned around and drove 4 hours back to , unloade and store the equipment, drove 2 hours back to home and scared me to death coming in the door at 3:30 this morning. He could not let me know, because his phone ran out of charge mid-trip and they didn't stop anywhere long enough to recharge it.
Seriously.
I need a vacation from my life.
Update:
After frantically running around gathering his cold-weather gear, trying to catch up with us for lunch, driving 2 hours south to pick up the equipment, driving 4 hours north to the mission site… as soon as they arrived, his mission got cancelled… so they turned around and drove 4 hours back to , unloade and store the equipment, drove 2 hours back to home and scared me to death coming in the door at 3:30 this morning. He could not let me know, because his phone ran out of charge mid-trip and they didn't stop anywhere long enough to recharge it.
Seriously.
January 24, 2010
Miss him
I miss him. With this new work schedule and his partner gone, he is working until too late each night, then a quick stop at the hospital, and it is just about guaranteed that I will be asleep by the time he gets home. I wake only slightly when he slips into bed and puts his arm around my waist. Then, next thing I know, he shakes me to tell me he is out of the shower and it is my turn. Some days that 10 minutes I talk to him while he is getting dressed is the only time we have. He is great about texting all through the day, so at least I feel a little connected, and if he can get a break during my lunch, he always tries to call. I cannot wait until he slows down a little and the partner situation is resolved. I miss him.
January 22, 2010
My life
We are home today; the girl got sick at school this morning. So, although to see her right now, you'd never believe she wasn't feeling well a few hours ago...
So, I caught up on some much needed reading, repaired the track on the patio door (Be careful, that thing will get away from you now!), repaired the rubber insulation on a couple of drafy windows, repotted a pythos, 2 loads of laundry, and scrubbed a tub.
Don't be jealous... HAHA
So, I caught up on some much needed reading, repaired the track on the patio door (Be careful, that thing will get away from you now!), repaired the rubber insulation on a couple of drafy windows, repotted a pythos, 2 loads of laundry, and scrubbed a tub.
Don't be jealous... HAHA
January 19, 2010
Generosity of spirit
At Sunday School this week, the Girl recieved a list for care packages that UMOM is sending to Haiti ("Kids for Kids"). She asked if we could make one. Of course. "Can we make 2?" Sure. "Can we make 10? I have money." Oh, my love. You are so generous and loving. I love that you care so much and are so willing to give to those in need.
I am so proud of you.
I am so proud of you.
January 11, 2010
Good news
I woke up today and it was like someone flipped a switch. I am feeling so much better. I feel happy and am aware that there is a little smile on my face for no apparent reason. Either the meds are FINALLY kicking in or What-A-Burger is just that good. I hope it lasts!
The Witch of Blackbird Pond
I love this book.
We are reading it in my 7th grade book study group. I hope they get as into it as I do. I find it utterly fascinating.
We are reading it in my 7th grade book study group. I hope they get as into it as I do. I find it utterly fascinating.
January 9, 2010
So, really...
I am almost 4 weeks on my new meds and am still not feeling so perky. I slept for 10 hours last night, and for 4 hours this afternoon, and just as soon as the kid closes her eyes, I am going back there.
I am devastated and uncertain why this is happening again. I have a great life. My hubs and I both have good jobs in this unreliable economy. We own our own home, two cars, and just about anything else we want. Our marriage is great. Our daughter is a genius. We have friends and family that love us. How can I look at my husband and tell him I feel so worthless right now? That no matter how often he tells me he loves me, I feel unloved and unlovable. I can't stand the pain in his eyes and would not begrudge him for a minute if he left me. Right now, he probably should. I am not really fun to be around.
I am well aware that I am beginning to shut myself off from family and friends. We came to some enlightenments in our premarital counseling, and it seems my MO is to reject before I am rejected, to close communication before people start closing me out. Probably stemming from a huge abandonment complex I have had since I was 2. For good reason, btw. PS. Dislike my counseling situation. Am trying to get into a new counselor, but apparently the post-Christmas blues are jamming everyone up.
Did I ever tell you that I almost did not show up for my own wedding? I have had an ongoing certainty since my childhood that I would be stood up at the alter. I wasn't, but I damn well considered doing the standing-up so that at least I would not be standing up there alone. I did not relax until my sister came back and told me that yes, the Daddy was there, shining his belt buckle and his awards, and I could get dressed now. Nothing like an abandoment complex.
But that is neither here nor there.
True story: I started sobbing uncontrollably last Sunday morning. Thought I could control it and agreed to go bridesmaid shopping. With bridezilla. She asked me what I thought of the dress I tried on. Per her email, I was to help her select a style, so to me that meant, tell me if you like or hate each dress. I hated it. I told her so. She neglected tell me that in the time since her ONLY email to me about shopping, she had decided this WAS the dress, did not care about my opinion , and where the hell was the cash I should have psychically known to bring with me? Oh yeah, the tears, back with a vengence, all the way home. She told me in no uncertain terms that I was the b**** of the year and ruined her wedding already, so I just may as well not be the matron of honor.
Thanks, sis. Nothing like feeling even more worthless. Anyone got plans for early July? Looking for something new to do...
Also put on ten pounds while the Daddy has lost at least 20. Making us look more than a little like Jack Pratt and his wife. *sigh*
I am devastated and uncertain why this is happening again. I have a great life. My hubs and I both have good jobs in this unreliable economy. We own our own home, two cars, and just about anything else we want. Our marriage is great. Our daughter is a genius. We have friends and family that love us. How can I look at my husband and tell him I feel so worthless right now? That no matter how often he tells me he loves me, I feel unloved and unlovable. I can't stand the pain in his eyes and would not begrudge him for a minute if he left me. Right now, he probably should. I am not really fun to be around.
I am well aware that I am beginning to shut myself off from family and friends. We came to some enlightenments in our premarital counseling, and it seems my MO is to reject before I am rejected, to close communication before people start closing me out. Probably stemming from a huge abandonment complex I have had since I was 2. For good reason, btw. PS. Dislike my counseling situation. Am trying to get into a new counselor, but apparently the post-Christmas blues are jamming everyone up.
Did I ever tell you that I almost did not show up for my own wedding? I have had an ongoing certainty since my childhood that I would be stood up at the alter. I wasn't, but I damn well considered doing the standing-up so that at least I would not be standing up there alone. I did not relax until my sister came back and told me that yes, the Daddy was there, shining his belt buckle and his awards, and I could get dressed now. Nothing like an abandoment complex.
But that is neither here nor there.
True story: I started sobbing uncontrollably last Sunday morning. Thought I could control it and agreed to go bridesmaid shopping. With bridezilla. She asked me what I thought of the dress I tried on. Per her email, I was to help her select a style, so to me that meant, tell me if you like or hate each dress. I hated it. I told her so. She neglected tell me that in the time since her ONLY email to me about shopping, she had decided this WAS the dress, did not care about my opinion , and where the hell was the cash I should have psychically known to bring with me? Oh yeah, the tears, back with a vengence, all the way home. She told me in no uncertain terms that I was the b**** of the year and ruined her wedding already, so I just may as well not be the matron of honor.
Thanks, sis. Nothing like feeling even more worthless. Anyone got plans for early July? Looking for something new to do...
Also put on ten pounds while the Daddy has lost at least 20. Making us look more than a little like Jack Pratt and his wife. *sigh*
January 5, 2010
Rocks
http://www.gemland.com/index.html
I am ridiculously fascinated, and of my husband and I, I am certainly not the rock enthusiast.
I am ridiculously fascinated, and of my husband and I, I am certainly not the rock enthusiast.
Woman in crisis
I have a hard time telling people about me, the real, in my soul me. Right now she is struggling.
I have had a diagnosis of clinical depression since my late 20s and this has not been my most-well adjusted several months. We had some issues over the summer, but I felt like I came to grips and was doing ok until my horomones went haywire a few months back, and while I am emotionally and mentally OK with it all, the horomones have done a number on my brain chemistry. I have re-begun some meds to help me with it, and have found my brothers to be well able to carry on a rational conversation, and also to hold up their end of a few irrational conversations, about the whole thing.
I had a tear & anxiety fest at the most inopportune time - shopping for bridezilla and her bridesmaids dresses, her upset that I was not present with enough cash to buy the dress (which was a blindside, or else I would have been prepared). She has broken my heart with her reaction and I fear a permanent rift has been created. I am unable to repair it on my own.
Here is the thing. Many people still see the stigma of a chemical imbalance and think it is something I can control. Many people are stupid. Phew, that feels better.
There is no differnce than an neurotransmitter malfunction than an insulin malfunction, but people can sure make you feel like crap about it.
If I had diabetes, I would think that at least the people I have shared my condition with would so some research on how to be as supportive as possible, as I work to right myself, but more than one that I thought actually loved me have ostracized and criticized me for
1) attempting to do the right thing in spite of my anxiety and over-emotionalism ("Why would you feel trapped?")
2) avoiding other stressful situations by walking away ("Why are you so impatient?")
3) calling people on the BS of acting like I am doing it on purpose for attention (They have got to be kidding - at least you'd think so - but no, actually said to me in seriousness)
4) I must live in lala land (Did you mean you think I am crazy?)
It is hard, because the people I usually lean on are having their own worries right now, without adding mine (my poor husband, for example), and yet are more support than, oh, say my mother and sister, who I should be able to rely on more than anyone. (Yep, most of the comments came from my mother - who knows, and my sister - who to be fair, doesn't really get the details - made a crack about my sanity). If I did not have my big brother and my husband telling me my perceptions of reality are not always as wrong as I am being otherwise told, I might ACTUALLY think the others are right.
I have had a diagnosis of clinical depression since my late 20s and this has not been my most-well adjusted several months. We had some issues over the summer, but I felt like I came to grips and was doing ok until my horomones went haywire a few months back, and while I am emotionally and mentally OK with it all, the horomones have done a number on my brain chemistry. I have re-begun some meds to help me with it, and have found my brothers to be well able to carry on a rational conversation, and also to hold up their end of a few irrational conversations, about the whole thing.
I had a tear & anxiety fest at the most inopportune time - shopping for bridezilla and her bridesmaids dresses, her upset that I was not present with enough cash to buy the dress (which was a blindside, or else I would have been prepared). She has broken my heart with her reaction and I fear a permanent rift has been created. I am unable to repair it on my own.
Here is the thing. Many people still see the stigma of a chemical imbalance and think it is something I can control. Many people are stupid. Phew, that feels better.
There is no differnce than an neurotransmitter malfunction than an insulin malfunction, but people can sure make you feel like crap about it.
If I had diabetes, I would think that at least the people I have shared my condition with would so some research on how to be as supportive as possible, as I work to right myself, but more than one that I thought actually loved me have ostracized and criticized me for
1) attempting to do the right thing in spite of my anxiety and over-emotionalism ("Why would you feel trapped?")
2) avoiding other stressful situations by walking away ("Why are you so impatient?")
3) calling people on the BS of acting like I am doing it on purpose for attention (They have got to be kidding - at least you'd think so - but no, actually said to me in seriousness)
4) I must live in lala land (Did you mean you think I am crazy?)
It is hard, because the people I usually lean on are having their own worries right now, without adding mine (my poor husband, for example), and yet are more support than, oh, say my mother and sister, who I should be able to rely on more than anyone. (Yep, most of the comments came from my mother - who knows, and my sister - who to be fair, doesn't really get the details - made a crack about my sanity). If I did not have my big brother and my husband telling me my perceptions of reality are not always as wrong as I am being otherwise told, I might ACTUALLY think the others are right.
January 1, 2010
Resolved
1. To say no when I need to. No matter who gets mad at me for it.
2. To eat a small piece of dark chocolate every day. Pioneer Woman says it will help with my serotonin levels, and that would be good.
3. To get pregnant. (Tee hee hee)
These are good ones, ones I think I can keep. I need a little help for number 3, but the meaningful parties are all on board with the plan, so it is just in God's hands now.
Update: when I made this resolution, I was already pregnant, I just did not know it yet. :)
2. To eat a small piece of dark chocolate every day. Pioneer Woman says it will help with my serotonin levels, and that would be good.
3. To get pregnant. (Tee hee hee)
These are good ones, ones I think I can keep. I need a little help for number 3, but the meaningful parties are all on board with the plan, so it is just in God's hands now.
Update: when I made this resolution, I was already pregnant, I just did not know it yet. :)
This year
2009. It was both a good one and a bad one.
What a year. Where is the rest of that tequila?
- We started the year with a bang, with an early spring wedding and all the chaos and joy that leads up to that.
- Just before the wedding, I was notified that I was being RIFd, then pulled aside and said I was one of the few teachers not being RIFd due to the subject I teach.
- The minute I had a contract in hand, the Daddy quit his job and went back to school full time.
- We added 3 nephews and a niece to the fold.
- I switched jobs.
- The Girl started kindergarten.
- I had a family reunion with cousins I have not seen in years.
- We thought I was pregnant, then I wasn't; and the emotional ups and downs of that;
- In part resulting from the above bullet, my previously-relatively-well-handled depression returned with a vengeance and we deal with the ups and downs of that. Apparently not enough serotonin. All-righty then. Fix it!
- The Daddy accepted a new, great job and continues full-time school as well.
- We found out the Daddy's twin brother has cancer and the Daddy asked me if he could donate part of his liver (of course!).
There is lots more, but it is not all mine to tell, and even those tales that are mine, well... even the Daddy has his limits on what he is OK with me blogging about...
What a year. Where is the rest of that tequila?
December 31, 2009
Sanity
Being medicated and drinking half a bottel of tequila helps. Just saying. Even if it is just a tiny airplane-tequila bottle.
December 23, 2009
Christmas Angel
My Christmas Angel. A tree at school, an angel at Church.The tippy-top one is her playing Mary to the little baby, Jesus.
December 20, 2009
The Daddy and the Girl
The Daddy is working on his Psych degree. Yesterday he needed a case study. By yesterday, I mean midnight last night. So, who is available to interview at midnight? Yep, me. Nice. That better not happen often. Just what I need is a psychoanalysis by my husband. Nothing good can come of that. :)
The Girl curls up with the Daddy this morning.
"How come some people don't know Santa is real?" she asks.
"I don't know."
"Don't they know if they don't believe, they won't get gifts?"
"That's a great question."
"I believe in Santa. I can hear the jingle bell ring."
Here is to believing in the magic of Christmas. Keep believing.
The Girl curls up with the Daddy this morning.
"How come some people don't know Santa is real?" she asks.
"I don't know."
"Don't they know if they don't believe, they won't get gifts?"
"That's a great question."
"I believe in Santa. I can hear the jingle bell ring."
Here is to believing in the magic of Christmas. Keep believing.
December 19, 2009
gratitute
1. Health insurance. It is a good thing.
2. Lazy Saturday mornings
3. Phone calls from home
4. Generous friends and students
5. Real marshmallows. (Just keeping it real) :)
2. Lazy Saturday mornings
3. Phone calls from home
4. Generous friends and students
5. Real marshmallows. (Just keeping it real) :)
December 17, 2009
Bittersweet.
So, the hubs starts a new job. I have been in my profession for 10 straight years.
My job requires a degree and ongoing schooling. His required some training and some experience at what he does.
I get paid. OK, we all know I went into teaching for the money...ha.
He gets paid. Now that's just unfair.
My job requires a degree and ongoing schooling. His required some training and some experience at what he does.
I get paid. OK, we all know I went into teaching for the money...ha.
He gets paid. Now that's just unfair.
December 15, 2009
I love her anyway.
Super Grouch (aka the Girl) is a slow starter most mornings, and today was no exception. So as I scolded her to get moving...
"Mommy, God tells all the babies who their mommy and daddy will be before they are born."
"Really, did God tell you your mom would be a super grouch?" I tease her.
"No, He told me my mommy would be the prettiest and the nicest."
Awwwwww. Now I feel bad about the grouch comment. But just for a second.
She continues, "...I think I was supposed to go to the Katie Poolers (note: friends of ours that we've been spending quite a bit of time with). I think God made a mistake."
OUCH. Get in the car kid. Mom was not amused. Now, a few hours later, it is more funny.
December 11, 2009
Gratitude
1. I have the money to pay my bills, and some extra to put away.
2. I have a trip home planned and purchased.
3. I work with people I really like. All of them.
4. I have a husband who kisses me goodbye, even if I am still mostly asleep.
5. I have a husband who kisses me hello when he gets home every night.
6. My daughter's tree costume turned out cute. And she likes it.
7. We are all healthy (for the most part).
8. Hand-me-downs for the Girl from the most stylish 2nd and 3rd grader you ever met. Most of them still have tags.
9. A teacher who really loves my Girl.
2. I have a trip home planned and purchased.
3. I work with people I really like. All of them.
4. I have a husband who kisses me goodbye, even if I am still mostly asleep.
5. I have a husband who kisses me hello when he gets home every night.
6. My daughter's tree costume turned out cute. And she likes it.
7. We are all healthy (for the most part).
8. Hand-me-downs for the Girl from the most stylish 2nd and 3rd grader you ever met. Most of them still have tags.
9. A teacher who really loves my Girl.
December 8, 2009
People who have done or said something to me or for me that I am grateful for today
the Daddy, the Girl, KP, JS, DC, TG, CK, IV, DM, LL, MP, SU, JR, SA, BS, KC. All that, and I haven't really talked to that many people today.
Sometimes I just need to be grateful and not let the weenies get me down.
I got to work today upset about my sis (again) and had already spewed my frustration all out at my husband (who has a pretty great set of shoulders, by the way) and only after he let me rant and rave and said nice things to me and then hung up the phone, and then I drove all the way to work, only then did I remember that while I was whining about how rude and selfish my sister can be to me, he is worried about his brother, who has been feeling very poorly lately. I can be quite a rude, selfish weenie.
PS. I learned a new bad word today. I had to look it up - it is bad when most of the sites that define it are blocked from work computers. Ask me about it off-list. The Joys of Teaching Junior High!
Sometimes I just need to be grateful and not let the weenies get me down.
I got to work today upset about my sis (again) and had already spewed my frustration all out at my husband (who has a pretty great set of shoulders, by the way) and only after he let me rant and rave and said nice things to me and then hung up the phone, and then I drove all the way to work, only then did I remember that while I was whining about how rude and selfish my sister can be to me, he is worried about his brother, who has been feeling very poorly lately. I can be quite a rude, selfish weenie.
PS. I learned a new bad word today. I had to look it up - it is bad when most of the sites that define it are blocked from work computers. Ask me about it off-list. The Joys of Teaching Junior High!
Sometimes I cry
Sometimes I cry for no good reason. Sometimes I cry for lots of good reasons. Today, I cry because once again my super-sensitive feelings have been hurt by someone who seems to take joy out of provoking a reaction from me. And, compliant me, I once again provided her with the fuel to continue lighting the fire.
My poor husband does not know what to do with me. He tries, God love him, he tries.
My poor husband does not know what to do with me. He tries, God love him, he tries.
December 7, 2009
Not me Monday
1. I did not get me some baby love yesterday. I love that little boy!
2. I did not get on the blogger at lunch. Its a rainy day, what can I say?
3. I did not forget my lunch in the kitchen counter. Ooops.
4. I did not count change to give my child Holiday House money. Some paydays take longer to get here than others... :)
5. I did not win week one of the biggest loser at work! (OH YEAH I DID!! - 7 days 4.5 pounds, including a HUGE after-Thanksgiving luncheon at school on Thursday! In spite of the tempting treats, I was SOOO good, loading up my plate with white meat and veggies, and only a sliver of apple pie!!)
2. I did not get on the blogger at lunch. Its a rainy day, what can I say?
3. I did not forget my lunch in the kitchen counter. Ooops.
4. I did not count change to give my child Holiday House money. Some paydays take longer to get here than others... :)
5. I did not win week one of the biggest loser at work! (OH YEAH I DID!! - 7 days 4.5 pounds, including a HUGE after-Thanksgiving luncheon at school on Thursday! In spite of the tempting treats, I was SOOO good, loading up my plate with white meat and veggies, and only a sliver of apple pie!!)
December 5, 2009
The Tree
I love decorating for the holidays. I love digging out the boxes and oohing and aahing over the ornaments, carefully picking out where to place each decoration, basking in the memories and amusing myself and hopefully my family by remembering from whom each one came, and when in our lives. Most of the ornaments belong to me; I don't think one is the Daddy's, other than ones I bought for him, but I have lots from my single years... and, of course, we have acquired a few together in the last 8 years.
But that is not the tree on my mind right now, other than needing to go through the Christmas boxes for this one. This is the tree I am turning my child into for a school production. Awesome. Some green fabric I found in a box, a hoop from my skirt that I wear under my Elizabethan costumes to make it tree-shaped, some plastic ornaments and garland, some ribbon left from my wedding... and a little patience and ingenuity... and I sincerely hope she does not look ridiculous. She is already bored with trying it on as I go.
Wish me luck. :)
But that is not the tree on my mind right now, other than needing to go through the Christmas boxes for this one. This is the tree I am turning my child into for a school production. Awesome. Some green fabric I found in a box, a hoop from my skirt that I wear under my Elizabethan costumes to make it tree-shaped, some plastic ornaments and garland, some ribbon left from my wedding... and a little patience and ingenuity... and I sincerely hope she does not look ridiculous. She is already bored with trying it on as I go.
Wish me luck. :)
December 3, 2009
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